How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
Key principles from the book
(1) Don’t criticize, condemn or complain (2) Give honest and sincere appreciation (3) Arouse in the other person an eager want (4) Become genuinely interested in other people (5) Smile (6) Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language (7) Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves (8) Talk in terms’ of the other person’s interest (9) Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely (10) The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it (11) Show respect for the other person’s opinions (12) If you are wrong, admit it quickly and empathically (13) Begin in a friendly way (14) Get the other person saying ‘yes, yes’ immediately (15) Let the other person do a great deal of thinking (16) Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers (17) Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view (18) Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires (19) Appeal to the noble motives (20) Dramatize your ideas (21) Throw down the challenge (22) Begin with praise and honest appreciation (23) Call attention to people’ mistakes indirectly (24) Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person (25) Ask questions instead of giving direct orders (26) Let the other person save face (27) Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise (28) Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to (29) If you want to help others to improve, remember to use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct (30) Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest
2) It teaches you the following values/traits to avoid. If you have these problems, quickly correct them.
“Criticise; Condemn; Complain; Argue; Bad temper; Order others around; destroying others’ ego”
3) It teaches you the following values/traits to adopt for making friends and influencing others. If you are not doing enough of them, adopt them now.
“Show appreciation; recognize others’ wants; show interest in what others are doing; smile; remember the other party’s name; listen well; talk about what the other party wants; make the person feel important; be sincere; be polite; forgive & forget; be respectful; take responsibility for your actions; be friendly; give credit when due; see things from their point of view; find a greater motive; challenge others; praise others; be honest about your mistakes; protect the reputation of others; encourage others; hone your public speaking skills; do good”
4) My favourite quote from the book à ‘I shall pass this way but once; any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.’ Dale Carnegie
5) Most of us are aware of what we should do and shouldn’t do in order to make more friends. The book just spells it out clearly and serves as a good reminder for me. Some things are better explained in black-and-white. Who doesn’t want to make new friends? Humans are social animals and great friendship can do wonders for happiness and your well-being. You might be comfortable with your current circle of friends, but there is always room for more. It can be incredibly satisfying if you find someone who has similar views/interests as you.
6) The power to influence without using coercion is very important. The art of persuasion is especially important if you are a salesman or a businessman etc. People all have varying goals and ideas on how to achieve things. Good persuasion skills will enable you to convince others that you all are working towards a similar goal and fighting for the same thing. Besides, it doesn’t cost anything to persuade others.