Unapologetically Insane Tales by Zed Yeo

This book is an absurd sort of fiction. It transcends normal everyday life.

Origin Story 1: A king wanted to alleviate the suffering of his folks who suffered from blisters after walking on rough terrain. He planned to slaughter all the cattle and use the leather to pave roads for his people. However, doing so might eliminate the kingdom’s food supply. One day, a jester persuaded him to reconsider his decision. He removed his hat, ripped it into half, and wore them as shoes. Now, the king was enlightened and ordered the slaughter of only a quarter of their cattle to provide shoes for his people.

Origin Story 2: This is about how humans came into existence. During the process of creation, there appeared to be other voices other than the true Maker. Humans experience conflicting emotions and thoughts at once. This is known as the multiplicity of the mind. I, the creator, am located high in the sky. You will never get to see me. An ant on a human torso wouldn’t get a sense of perspective and realize it is on a human body. It is impossible to perceive how I am like. Humans are bound by the dimensions of space and time. You can never reach me, even if you try using your most advanced technology. This is your origin story, little moral.

If you put a puny ant on your torso, it could never understand that the entire terrain that it is crawling on is actually a human being. You are too huge for the ant to notice, too big to be perceived. It will only see your torso as a landscape upon which it stands. – The Maker

Spoolballs and Warblemouth: The Hinniky family often contracted rare diseases. Freeky caused objects to levitate while Streaky experienced everything in threes. However, each disease is unique. Dhable Hinniky had two diseases. He had both Spoolball (tendrils emerging from each eye) and Warblemouth (mouth was shaped like a snout and he couldn’t speak anything except gibberish) syndrome. Many of his peers shunned him. Often, he ended up seeing imaginary creatures and objects. It was all he had to keep him company. Dhable usually studied for a cure for his illness. Years passed and he lived in the mountains. He had the ability to identify and eat glow mushrooms. Dhable had an invisible snail to keep him company. Once, a hairy man built a rock car to navigate in the narrow cave. They became friends. However, an unfortunate event befell the hairy man and he passed on. Now, Dhable started operating on himself. After a long and gruesome operation, Dhable realized he could see again. However, he could no longer see the glow mushrooms again. After visiting the city, he realized that many things had changed and it was no longer vibrant and lively. His mum gave him a warm hug. Suddenly, the snail was calling out to him and commented ‘How long do you plan to be deaf and blind?’ However, Dhable could no longer hear or see the snail.

All I Want for Christmas: A 97 year old woman complained about Santa’s lack of appearance for 85 years. She wished for 2000 teeth as a Christmas wish. However, Santa didn’t satisfy her wishes well. Santa delivered the teeth without the skulls to go along with it. She killed Santa and didn’t really feel bad about it. It is hoped that he would reborn after death. She still had 1712 human teeth to go to achieve the aim of 2000 teeth.

What is the Bao?: According to ancient literary scholars, there is no clear definition of what a bao should be. It should contain of a core wrapped within the Bao. Mantous are hence not regarded as baos. There are difficulties classifying the Kong Ba Bao. It should be labelled as a bun instead. All baos are buns, but not all bunds are baos.

The Poet and the Lion: Yeow Leochomp wrote a poem ‘Nanni nanni boo boo’. It adopted the ‘aabb’ pattern which was a brilliant use of repetition. It also rhymes well.

Nanni nanni boo boo is traditionally stated in jest to an adversary right before an impending confrontation, a classic taunt that began in the wilderness against ferocious beasts. Today, it is deployed in the same spirit by young human beings against tough playground bullies. – Prof J. Dominiczak

A Note: I picked up a pair of wings and attached them to my shoulders. I imagined a cliff. It was hazy and my vision was blurred. Suddenly, life flashed backwards and I was a young boy now. Now, there was a note on the table. It stated ‘the other end?’ Also there was a pair of shoes beside my study table.

Under the Bridge: It was pouring heavily. Desolation and loneliness filled me. Loneliness chose me. She took the form of a beautiful lady. Yet I could only pass her. We kissed. . Later, we parted and I continued on my path. She would never take that form ever again.

Diagnosis (09:00:00s – 09:53:44s): Mum brought her child, Charlie, to visit a doctor. The doctor asked for the child’s name. Mrs Robertson was devastated by the condition of Charlie. He couldn’t speak and write. A 45 minute session with the doctor yielded zero response from him. Charlie uttered: ‘My name is…Char-‘. The doctor dropped his torch in sheer disbelief. Charlie thought of the phrase ‘Do not unto others what you would not have others do unto you.’ Complex thoughts now filled his brain. Humans are susceptible to brain farts, like Dr Zhang. He is too complacent. When one thinks a task is too easy, brain farts happens. Charlie didn’t want to continue saying his name. The doctor concluded that he was mentally retarded.

A child learning to walk will inevitably fall multiple times before becoming good at it…Such errors are understandable. But another class of errors calls for closer scrutiny. Why do experienced drivers get into car accidents? We cannot say that these errors occur due to the lack of experience. So what should we attribute these stupid errors to? Brain farts. – Charlie

Life of Voice: He braids his thoughts and the voice inside his head. Strings of ideas form a rope. The rope gets stronger and stronger. After a while, he examined the huge clump of rope with him. While braiding, other thoughts come to his mind. He continues braiding.

Onion Man: There were new layers formed around the onion man. He wanted to discover the core of his existence. As a result, he started shedding every layer. There was nothing at the end. The layers were all he had.

Security Business: Alan and Silus were chatting about how extravagant the new heroes were. Silus was an ex-bounty hunters while Alan was the ex-superhero, Trickshot. Silus gave money to Alan and the magician in his castle. The old ones wouldn’t to hide their identity. Those who exposed their identity were at risk of getting killed. The number of villains were in decline. In the past, the old superheroes faced super tough villains and had to work as a team. Nowadays, things were so much easier. The new superheroes had open identities. Alan contemplated a comeback. It was the end of villainy and Alan was jealous at those who basked in glory. The Magician was silently watching Muscles at work. Magician summoned Alan and Silus to assist. Trickshot started fighting the Abomination. He could not figure out the identity of the creature. The magician was hurt but guessed that the mastermind summoned old creatures to form Abomination. Trickshot was hesitant in his movement and the mastermind wanted to prey on this weakness. It was a closely fought match, where Trickshot spat acid and Mastermind sprew balls of fire. Trickshot ran into a ball of fire and soon crashed to the ground, revealing his human self. Death loomed and Trickshot thought. He reflected on why he wanted to be a superhero and his mission of protecting the people. Trickshot remembered that he loved the attention of being in the front pages. It was then that he got killed by the fireball. The mastermind also thought before killing Trickshot. The newspaper reported that Trickshot was draped over the dead magician. It turned out that magician played dead and was still with them in the room. The 3 of them were alright. It was now that Trickshot realized how much he liked being a superhero.

What do people truly want? Ask them and they’ll be as clueless as ants without feelers. A few chaps might be able to tell you what they want, maybe even with heartfelt conviction. Nut actually they’re just as lost. Nobody knows what they really want, until the sole moment of clarity creeps up upon them. The moment death presents itself to you and says “you have to reflect before I claim you.” – Trickshot

Hooked: Money fell from the sky and John managed to grab it first. He was elated. Suddenly, he was hoisted into outer space and was traumatized. Later, he found himself in a glass jar. Another man who climbed out of the jar died from the lack of oxygen. Soon, a little girl and 3 other men joined John in the jar. The 3 men were all athletes. They wore singlets which were green, red and blue. The aliens were staring from them from outside of the jar. A pair of hairy tentacles entered the jar and everyone was frightened. The humans thought about scaling the jar. Red managed to escape and was grasping for air. The creatures started taking photos of it. The creatures spoke the same language as Man. They measured the size of Red. They planned to barbeque some of their catch. The taxidermist came in and Red was dropped into his pail. The red, blue, green men were all chosen to be grilled. A pair of tentacles entered and grabbed both John and the girl. Thankfully, both John and the girl were let off but the other men were not spared. John woke up, he was drenched and he nearly drowned. He remembered this story and released the pail of flapping fishes back into the sea.

My Sister’s Story: I was afraid of the spooky cupboard but my elder sister always reassured me that everything would be okay if I did the right things. She shared a story of a girl with a cupboard. The cupboard would produce weird noises at 2am. After listening to advice from her friends, the girl knocked on the cupboard. It kept silent for a while, but later a bony hand emerged from the cupboard and grabbed the little girl. The little girl was sucked into the cupboard. Later, the thing in the cupboard took the appearance of the girl and her parents didn’t suspect anything. I was glad I have a sister to sleep with.

It’s About Time: Ansel was going to be late for school and sprinted out of the house and rushed towards the bus stop. The discipline master was not a nice guy. He took a short cut and bashed through hedges and shrubs. However, despite his best efforts, he failed to enter the bus. He lamented the 10 seconds he took to wear the school badge. There was an elderly man with a goatee that stretched to the ground. He was at the bus stop. Ansel thought about getting an MC for the day. He stomped the ground in anger and the ground responded. Doomsday popped up from above the ground. His face looked like the discipline master. Naturally, Ansel was frightened. Doomsday wanted to destroy the world in year 2000. However, it was already year 2020. The old man at the bus stop was Doomsday’s grandfather and he started flying. Doomsday asked him for permission to destroy the world. It turned out that the clocks he kept were not working and that explained why he was 20 years late. Doomsday now had to face the devil’s wrath. He looked so weak and pathetic in that moment. Soon, he disappeared and the weather was sunny again. Suddenly, Ansel didn’t feel that bad about being late.

The Boy and the Grass (Story 1): A boy asked the grass how it felt to be green. The grass didn’t respond. The boy was disappointed but didn’t give up trying to talk to it. He kept on trying. This went on for his lifetime till he died. The grass still didn’t speak.

The Boy and the Grass (Story 2): A boy asked the grass how it felt to be green. The grass didn’t respond. The boy was disappointed but didn’t give up trying to talk to it. He kept on trying. Finally, when he was a grown man, the grass replied. It was glad that he never stopped trying. The grass admitted that he learnt English from the boy. They remained best friends for the rest of their lives.

The Boy and the Grass (Story 3): A boy asked the grass how it felt to be green. The grass didn’t respond. The boy was disappointed but didn’t give up trying to talk to it. He kept on trying. Finally, when he was a grown man, the grass replied. One day, the grass said ‘Moo!’ That was the only response it could give. Despite this, the boy continued talking to it and they formed an interesting relationship for life.

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One thought on “Unapologetically Insane Tales by Zed Yeo

  1. Pingback: A Review of ‘Unapologetically Insane Tales by Zed Yeo’ | Book & Quote Monster

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