Secrets from the Love Lab. You will definitely benefit from this book. However, this book is meant more for males. Women are inherently mysterious. This book is written as an easy-to-read and easy-to-use guide. Whether a relationship succeeds or fails largely depends on the man’s actions. How you think and what you do matters the most to a lady. Learn to succeed with women for a lifetime. Understand a woman’s mind and heart. After this book, hopefully your relationship with a girl will improve. John Gottman is a researcher. He learnt about women the hard way. There are definitely new insights in this book. Couples were observed in a love lab. They were observed over a period of time and their core body signs were being measured. It is important to know what women want and need. Understand the secrets of attraction.
Understanding a Woman. What do women really want? This is the most important question around. Stephen Hawking had trouble understanding women. Every girl is special and unique. The book will guide you of the heart and mind of a lady. You want to be totally immersed. The only thing that women look for is trustworthiness. ‘You are who you say you are and you do what you say you are going to do.’ It’s about being reliable. This is important especially when raising children. Fathers need to be involved in taking care of children. You should do little things that show you care for her. You also need to safeguard her heart. In addition, you need to listen to her if she has problems. Learn to be intimate and well-connected. Problems might develop if you dismiss women’s emotions instead of being attuned to them. Trust is built via emotional connection. Focus on your woman when she is talking to you. Put away your cell phone. Attention equals affection. Face her when she is speaking. Ask questions to understand her. This is important as it demonstrates genuine concern. Practise non-defensive listening. It is important not to retaliate or counter-attack. Always learn to empathize with her. Read her body language and interpret. Show empathy and compassion. Attuning is a skill which can be honed over time. Try not to talk about yourself too much. Never ignore her or shut her off. If you use your built or size to intimidate her, she will not be extremely comfortable with you. Even if you are seeing multiple women, they still need to trust you. Men want less fighting and more sex. In addition, men like to feel approved and adored by their women. Men are better at hiding their feelings. Never show that impatient attitude towards women. There is no need to offer sage advice if you don’t have any good advice up your sleeve. Acceptance of her emotions is the key. Boys are less serious when playing a game. Problems are dealt with easily among boys. Guys like to dispense with the emotion and get on with playing. To girls, the game is just a mask for exploring the closeness of the relationship. Men have issues when girls express negative emotions. Emotions mean intimacy to a lady. Show up and be yourself. Avoid checking out other women when you are with her. Pay full attention to her when she is chatting.
Women want men who are there for them when they need them. They want men who are interested in them and who care about them. Women need to feel respected, heard, and connected. – John Gottman
To put it simply, listening is sexier than talking. Asking questions is sexier than broadcasting. Being genuinely interested in her is much more important than trying to be interesting to her. – John Gottman
A Mind of her Own (The Art of Understanding a Woman’s Brain). Our brains are made up of cerebrum, cerebellum and brain stem. Male brains are 10% larger, however, it does not mean we are more intelligent than females. Women’s hormonal levels rise and fall during each month. There is a sense of rhythm for a female. The holy trinity is estrogen, progesterone and testosterone. Even testosterone is important for a lady. The cycle will affect her moods etc. During the first 2 weeks of the cycle, she can be more talkative and relaxed. The 2 weeks after this cycle, will might be more stressed and irritable. Women will eventually have to go through menopause. Women are more emotionally sensitive. During ovulation, she might be more eager to have sex. During PMS, she could be more moody. Before menstruation, women usually like alone time. You could help her get her alone time. Not every women will have a 28 day cycle. You should understand your women’s cycle. Do not take her moods personally. Sometimes, it has nothing to do with you. Hormones can influence her sex drive. Women are more attracted to alpha men when they are ovulating. There are times when you should be both alpha and beta. No wonder it might be difficult to understand women. Strip dancers make more money when they were ovulating. Women can also enjoy sex after menopause. Testosterone is also present in ladies, but in less quantities. Men often think more about sex than women. Sex drive declines as you age. Women tend to experience fear more easily than men. They experience fear in a completely different way. They are conditioned to be concerned about their safety and well-being. Once they experience fear, they will be more wary of the similar events happening. Touch is effective, even holding hands. It can have a powerful effect on woman as it makes them feel safe. Never dismiss her fears as being irrational or blame it on PMS. Try not to walk in front of her.
For starters, when a woman is afraid, hold her hand. Even better, try to help her avoid feeling afraid in the first place. – John Gottman
Women need a reason for sex. Men just need a place. – Billy Crystal
Part 2: Dating a Woman
Chapter 3: Read My Hips (Understanding Women and Attraction). Confidence, intelligence and high social status can be very sexy indeed. Being a dungeon master in a game can signal leadership qualities. You can be a hero to a girl in that sense. There is a difference between confidence and arrogance. Be secure in your abilities. There are non-verbal cues you can use. Pick-up lines are virtually useless. Women can signal whether they want to be approached or not. They might give clues or signal actions. Most men think they are unattractive. This is a problem. Women are drawn to symmetrical faces. People want to reproduce with someone who can give the most viable offspring. A woman’s hips can signal fertility too. The trick is to take up space or ‘space maximizing’. Also, make glancing behaviors. Look and smile at her. Do not cross your leg at your knee. Slap your guy buddy. Try not to fidget too much or make random gestures. Stress is not sexy. Keeping calm is something girls are attracted to. Women will exhibit cues if they flirt, like tilt their heads, give short glances, play with her hair etc. If she likes you, she will smile and give you direct eye contact. If she gives you unfavourably non-verbal behavior, you should not approach. You have to make yourself as universally attractive as possible. Humour is an indication of intelligence. Attraction has to be mutual for things to work. Repeated glancing and looking away from you is a sense of attractiveness. Hygiene and clothing matter.
Now you might not have nunchuck skills, bow-hunting skills, or computer hacking skills, but whatever your skills, women will be attracted to the expertise you demonstrate in your particular area of interest. In other words, if you collect stamps, be the most powerful, high-status collector there is. – John Gottman
The men who were successful were space maximizers, showing their dominance in the social setting by stretching out their legs, throwing an arm around their chair, or otherwise owning the space they occupied. – John Gottman
First Impressions (Do’s and Don’ts of Dating). If she likes you, she will look at you and glance and smile. Do not pretend to be someone you are not. This is the key. Be a good listener and be genuinely interested. Put the woman in the center of attention. Pick-up lines or jokes generally don’t work. Women like honest conversation. Let the girl talk and finish her sentences. Keep the questions positive. Listen to her responses and ask follow-up questions. The questions should be open-minded in nature. Look into her eyes when she is speaking. Lower-pitched voices are attractive. Try to mirror her body language. Pay attention to her words and her body language. She is most likely to give you her number if you touch her forearm while you ask. Women are wary and do not want to go to bed with a complete stranger. Put the girl in the front and centre of your date. Engage in an adventurous activity on your date. You might just arouse her. There is a fine line between interrogation and conversation. Demonstrate your protective instincts. Do not tell her she is wrong. Just say that her point of view is interesting. Don’t ask her if she likes you. This will just make you seem insecure and you will end up in the friend-zone. Plan a date that makes her feel special and important. Do not scan the room and check out the other girls.
Women are impressed with a guy who has emotional energy, who is passionate about whatever he’s talking about, and who asks questions and really listens to the answers. – John Gottman
Ask for about her interests, her passions, her life dreams, her bucket list. Find out where she’s traveled and what she loves to do. Ask her who her best friends are, and find out what they are like and what she loves about them etc. – John Gottman
Part 3: Romancing a Woman
Making Your Move (The Science of Seduction). Humans release pheromones when we sweat. People can find it attractive. It is about attraction and sensuality. Women have a better sense of smell. How you smell matters. A baby also produces smell. Pheromones are a two-way street. Research has shown that gay men preferred odor of other gay men. There are such things as pheromone parties too. A woman always remembers the first kiss. It matters a lot. It certainly brings a vivid memory. There are huge numbers of nerve endings on your lips. For a good kiss, oral hygiene is important. Learn to be confident. Do not ask for permission to kiss. Read the signals and see if she wants to kiss you. If she looks at your eyes and lips or if she licks her lips, it’s a clear sign. Learn to go slow for your first kiss. Touch her face, stroke her hand to build a sense of anticipation. Feel the sensations in her mouth. Men’s saliva contains testosterone. Do not drool as drooling is not sexy. Always trust your instincts. You can hold her and kiss her too. You need to read the signs and see if she is attracted to you or not. Moving in too fast doesn’t work.
Is she more than a hookup? (Reading a Woman’s True Profile). Oxytocin feels good. However, it impairs your ability to make sound decisions. Oxytocin reduces the fear level in your brain. It makes life more erotic. Infants who were ‘securely attached’ in their childhood are better able to handle conflict in their adult relationships. Early imprints can affect how you behave or perform in a relationship. Even geese can be attached to humans especially if they are still infants. Watch how the girl you likes treats her family to get an idea of how she will treat you. Try to notice if she is kind or not. If she complains, see if she blames others. Is she honest or does she like to lie? Is she conscientious and open minded? Is she more optimistic or pessimistic? Does she follow up on her actions? Does she accept your friends? Is there sexual chemistry? There needs to be a mix between heart, mind and body. Stay clear of the damsel in distress. Does she always seem to be the victim or does she learn from her mistakes? Is the princess who expects special treatment? Nowadays, this type of girls lack empathy and common courtesy. Is she a competer? Does she boast about her achievements? This type of woman might be a perfectionist in nature. Is she a drama queen? Is she always getting in trouble? Is she an alcoholic? Some traits might indicate a personality disorder. Conversation has to be smooth and easy-going. Limerence might cause you to ignore red flags in a relationship. Do not base a relationship on physical attraction alone.