Dating Tips 202

Online Dating by Remi Kapler

Cheat Codes of Love. This book has tips on how to succeed in online dating. Finding time to scour different venues like bars etc may be too tiring. There is no fairy tale in romance. One way to meet people is to use online dating. There are benefits to online dating. If your offline dating is futile, do consider online dating. There is no loss.

Internet Dating 101 – A Tell-All Guide. Learn to decipher online dating. Technology may be able to help you connect with more people. It is human nature to seek romantic relationships. Technology is trying to make things more convenient for everyone. What are some of the pros and cons of online dating? There will always be risks and horror stories associated with online dating. Although there are scams, have faith that everything will be fine. Some of the pros are: 1) no more late night visits to the singles bar. Even if you scout at a bar, your chances are minimal at best. Girls in a bar are also rarely serious in how they act. 2) Online dating offers good variety. Your aim is to find love. At a bar, usually, it sends up with sex on the first date and this spoils the whole relationship from this point onwards. There is no alcohol involved in online dating, so it is much healthier and safer. 3) In offline dating, you don’t know who you will get, whether she is attached or whatever. Online dating is better as you can filter by criteria. This ensures that it is not a pure shot in the dark. 4) Great First Dates. If you have chatted with the person beforehand, there is a high chance that the date will be a success. You will also not feel as nervous as meeting a complete stranger. Now, we need to look at the cons as well. However, it is possible to mitigate the cons. 1) Internet Scammers – these are people with fake profiles. Dating scammers get close to you and want some information from you in the end. It is important to be wary of such people. He might want things like money, gifts from you. The scammer will often claim to have a medical emergency, requiring fast cash. Do not fall prey to those scammers at any cost. Watch out for tell-tale scamming signs. A scammer will often say things that are not consistent with their profile. Do not tempted to send personal information. Always meet at a public area. 2) Many people fall prey to the ‘shopping mentality’ for dating. This indicates a lack of commitment to take things further. 3) Your personal data belongs to the app and might be taken away from you in a lawsuit etc. 4) There might be security issues/misrepresentation on the apps.

Most online dating platforms make it easy to specify your exact needs and sieve everything not meeting your criteria. This removes the guessing bit and wild guess aspect of dating. Further, before you get to interact with matches’ before you go on the first date, you get an ideal chance to decipher whether someone is worth the trouble of a date or not way before you plan the first date. – Remi Kapler

Your Quest for Online Love Starts Here. There are many specific sites for exactly what you are looking out for. Find the one that best suits your needs. OkCupid and Tinder are the 2 most popular apps/websites around. Tinder is the new type of dating. Decide what type of relationship you want. This is really very important. You must answer them truthfully. Always be honest with your dates and learn to be vulnerable. Do not lie about your profile. Exercise patience. Do not pass off judgment too quickly. Tinder is one of the best dating apps around. It is also easy to use. As it is an image driven app, it is important to have a good clear photo of yourself. It should show you having fun and enjoying yourself and showing how awesome your life is.

How to create a beautiful outstanding online dating profile? Choose your username prudently. Be creative and come up with an interesting name. Be cheeky and let your personality shine through. Hook them with your headline and bio. Use an inspiring quote. After reading, someone should feel a sense of excitement. Write your profile in as little words as possible. Avoid using the words ‘I’. Make your profile stand out with your likes and activities. You will definitely want to sell yourself. You will definitely want to appear different and unique. Let the picture do the talking. Avoid bathroom or mirror selfies.

Your Boot Camp Guide to Online Dating Profile Photos. Your photos matter a great deal. Ensure all the pictures of yours are of similar standard. More is better. Try not to crop photos and others can tell. Try to show your left side of your face. Ensure a full length photo. Apply the three shot rule.

The three shot rule states the following: One of your profile images should have you looking straight at the camera and smiling. The second should show you engaged in something you like to do for fun. The third shot should show off your personality, whom you are as a person. – Remi Kapler

The Icing on the Cake – Going All-Out. Learn how to filter your matches and find the ideal love partners. Understand that some matches will click and others will not. You will need to learn how to open up conversation. Create a strategy of who you want to look out for. Keep a scoring system of those traits. Create curiosity from your profile. The best way to start a conversation is to find a common topic. Avoid dirty jokes that will make you seem perverted. Use correct grammar and avoid net speak. Simple, short and sweet works best. Answer a message in the same tone in which you received it. The next step, how should you plan your first date? As soon as you are comfortable with the person, ask the person out on a date. Just think of it as any other first date. Meet at a public area. Always prepare for anything good or bad as the first date may not go according to what you expected.

Your profile should not be a tell-all stop sign; you should leave room for some curiosity, or what we call creating a curiosity ‘gap’. Offer just enough information to inflame a curiosity that compels the ‘right’ matches to reach out. – Remi Kapler

The best way to start a conversation with someone you really like is to find common ground, make a comment about that, and immediately after, ask a question. Nothing makes someone, stranger or otherwise, experience the ‘you care’ emotion faster than a well-thought out question. – Remi Kapler

Ideally, your first message should make a simple introduction, highlight your interest in the person through a comment about something you have in common with that person, and a sign off with your name. This should amount to a few lines of text. The trick here is to leave him or her wanting and yearning for more. – Remi Kapler


Dating Tips 201

LunchClick Starter Kit

Why are you still single? Learn to reflect on yourself. What is the issue you are facing? The top 3 reasons are 1) I haven’t met anyone I want to be involved with; 2) The people I’m interested in are attached, or are not interested in me; 3) I find it hard to meet someone who shares my values or interests. The Angsty Guy is a complain king who likes to whine that no girls are interested in him. The Picky Guy laments that it is difficult to find the girl of his dreams. The Bore does not know how to talk to women. The Guy Who Can’t be Bothered doesn’t put in effort in trying to meet new people. The Timid Guy doesn’t exhibit enough confidence during dates. The Workaholic works all day and doesn’t have time to date. The Mummy’s Boy clings to his parents and relies on them for decision-making. The Cheapskate refuses to pay for the first date. The Bad Boy usually attracts the type of girls who want to hang out with someone ‘cool’ and the relationship will usually not last.

Optimizing Your Online Dating Performance. Ensure that your dating profile is in tip top condition. For profile photos, go for quality over quantity. The photo resolution should be decent. Avoid using selfies as the resolution is lower and the photo might turn out grainy. If you wear little clothing in your display picture, you might attract the wrong sort of girl. It is best to use individual shots as compared to group photos, where the other party needs to guess which is you. Avoid using Photoshop, but using filters to adjust contrast or brightness is alright. Smile in your pictures. Make your occupation sound exciting and interesting. For date ideas, go for something unique. You can state things like ‘Let’s go to a quaint café with awesome atmosphere, and engage in witty banter over a cup of coffee.’ Go ahead and ask her questions. Send a maximum of 3 questions at a go and wait for her reply before sending more. Avoid too serious or personal questions at the start. Be honest when answering questions and don’t be afraid of being judged. Even if her answers are not all good, you might still want to give her a chance and go out with her on a date.

The First Date: Meeting Your Match. It can a bit awkward on the first date but you need to take things easy. When you first see her, compliment her on her attire and clothes etc. It’s better to be overdressed than underdressed and it is important to look good on the date. Maintaining a good conversation is very important and there should not be awkward pauses. You can ask her about her 1) travels; 2) her friends; 3) personality; 4) her favorite place in Singapore (you could suggest that the second date be held there); 5) Share some of secrets or something embarrassing that happened to you. Avoid sharing about your exes, your problems or asking overly prying questions.



How to Choose a Partner by Susan Quilliam (Part 2)

For Part 1, click here

Connecting. You should aim to understand your partner. One needs to start trawling the deeper waters. We need to literally feel our partner. Face-to-face contact gives us essential knowledge in which to base judgement. The problem with online dating is that the real person might be different in real life. People tend to be more open in distance dating, which can be a good thing. You can ask serious questions on the app too. Physical contact makes everything more emotional. Proximity matters. Getting together with someone near you is very common. What is chemistry exactly? Is it over-rated? How do you form conclusions about the person? Is your decision making sound? You have to use a wider range of checks and balances. What you talk on your first date matters a lot. We need more than simply passion and opportunity. Learn to examine her values, life goals, and personality traits. Ask yourself these 3 big questions. What three values made your life most worthwhile (example: safety, happiness?). Which three goals have you achieved in your life you are most satisfied with and proud of? (career, success, adventure). What 3 personality traits do you most want other people to praise you for when you have gone? (honesty, generosity etc). Answer the 9 above and you will get a sense of what you value the most. Learn what her love languages are. They are 1) words of affirmation; 2) quality time; 3) receiving gifts; 4) acts of service; 5) physical touch. You must also know what you like so that you can explain it to your partner. Humans like sameness and the feeling is reciprocal. Many dating apps pair people based on sameness. For personality, it is possible for opposites to attract. The trick is to choose a mate with similar values and goals, but with a different personality. We shouldn’t blame women and gender difference if we break up. You need to remove the ‘veils’ during dating. You could bring up serious topics of discussion. However, do not use them too early. You have to be yourself on the date. You have to be factual and truthful. Usually, big events will reveal the other party’s personality. Emotional responsiveness is one of the most important in a relationship. This is your partner’s ability to pay loving attention to your emotional needs. Always aim to soothe and then solve. You need to be able to notice, pay attention, reflect on your partner’s emotions. Being emotionally stable is very important. Emotional responsiveness is a relationship deal-breaker. Men are not taught how to manage their emotions. Men are capable of stepping up to the relationship challenge. One’s ability for empathy is important. How you treat others is really important when you are on a date. Can I be there for you? Can you be there for me? If you are not willing to be there for her, the signs is that the relationship might be ending. You should never stop being aware of each other’s feelings, giving attention to each other’s needs and opening up to one another. We will at some point in our relationship feel insecure and unloved. How do you deal with that? People think that being secure is good all the time. But there are pros to being ‘anxious’, ‘avoidant’, ‘attacking’ too. To what extent do you want to stay calm and serene? Sex allows the relationship to be more open. It helps to secure the relationship. Synchrony sex is the best because it is a balance between physical pleasure and emotional bonding. Understand your partner’s attachment tendencies. Be wary of those off-the-scale anxious, avoidant and attacking personality. Secure is good. However, once in a while, conflicts are normal.

We may find that, after crashing the internet with reciprocally enthusiastic emails for several weeks when we finally get close to our online crush it’s loathing at first sight. – Susan Quiliam

Once there’s a basic attraction, the more time we spend close to someone, the more they will seem appealing, lovable, simply better. And the longer, more frequently, more regularly we spend time with them, the deeper the impact. – Susan Quiliam

Studies suggest that goals will become obvious first, values next, with personality revealed last of all. – Susan Quiliam

Although being authentic may feel scary, the more authentic we can be – about what we believe, what we want, who we are – the more chance we’ll have of eventually meeting a suitable prince or princess, even if that also means that en route we drive off a lot of incompatible frogs. – Susan Quiliam

Being emotionally engaged means staying rock-solid even when our partner is firing negative emotions, with us as the target – as they will do from time to time in even the most loving relationship. Easy? Not at all. – Susan Quiliam

When partners aren’t emotionally concerned about each other during courtship, then even if they decide to wed they’ll probably part in the end. – Susan Quiliam

A huge element of successful decision-making is finding out whether each partner is both able and motivated to actually learn what the other person needs and what the relationship may demand. – Susan Quiliam

Being in Love. I am a huge believer in the possibility of love. Everyone should be love-struck at least once in their life. Isn’t love just a rush of emotions? Can it be confused for lust? Love can seem like an obsessive compulsion. However, it cannot guarantee long term compatibility. There is no strong link between short-term attraction and long-term compatibility. There is a correlation between love and anxiety. When scared, our body is a nervous wreck and we tend to seek love more. Hence, anxiety leads to bonding. Love is date-stamped. We also need to know ‘what is left over’, meaning when there is no love. If you still can accept the person, most likely the relationship can last. Choose a partner which can complement you, so that you can lead a complete life. Love doesn’t make people happy all the time. When you are unhappy, you start to question whether the person is the right one. In a relationship, you have to overcome problems that our partner and partnership have. You also have to be more loving towards yourself. Even if we pick the right person, there will be challenges. Humans like those who help them to grow. If someone needs something from you and you are able to deliver, you will be drawn to that person. Accept that partner and their vulnerabilities. What would you know if you have chosen well? Be more emotionally truthful and authentic. You should be really drawn into someone at the start. You want things from your partner and they also demand things of you. Therefore, it is good to have passion and romance at the start.

Happiness will not necessarily be what marks progress; sometimes there will be pain. – Susan Quiliam

We will always be required to master the essential human balancing act of trying to answer our own needs while meeting those of our beloved, of loving ourselves while loving another, and of growing through that process. – Susan Quiliam

The lesson is that the best love is a three-art process, with the initial delights driving us on to ride out the medium-term challenges for the sake of long-term rewards. – Susan Quiliam

Knowing. The main question to ask is ‘How and when will I know enough to choose this person, or to not choose them, or to decide that the moment of choice is past?’ There are no clear answers to the above. Gut feeling is one way of telling. However, this is contrary to the elimination principle. Therefore, if the girl checks all boxes, but your gut feeling isn’t right, you can ask for another date. The problem with passion is that you are wearing rose-coloured glasses. Take your time. Sometimes, delay is good. Are you the type who goes too fast? Or do you wait too long? If you are too fast, you might make the wrong judgement. This is tricky, but it is worth altering your approach if things are not working. One approach is to be fully committed for 90 days. You shouldn’t fear rejection and other full emotional responsiveness and trust that everything will go well. If after 90 days, and you do not hesitate, that is the correct girl. If after 90 days and you hesitate, then it is a no. There are other reasons to say no, for instance, differing goals, personalities etc. Sometimes, it might not be yes or no, but change. You can tell the partner to change and if they agree, there is still chance for the relationship. Hence, if you hope that your partner will improve in time, you must have the conversation with her. If you don’t talk about such issues, the relationship is doomed. If your heart is not into someone, just leave. You are doing the person a favour by leaving. Sometimes, what if the other person doesn’t choose you? You will not get everything you want in life. You must move through the rejection and sometimes, it is not wise to try harder. Do not sacrifice everything you have for the girl. It is pointless to cling on to hope sometimes. If you are being pursued, please be aware of the danger signals. Most people will succeed in their journey to find someone. Once you know both parties are fully committed, things will work. Through the Wall of Life and tribulations, we will get through the course of our relationship. Nevertheless it is still good to specify what you want from your partner. Are you growing? Is your partner growing? Will you all continue to grow in the future?

Where possible, dig deeper, search wider, allow both logic and emotion, head and hear to synchronize. – Susan Quiliam

But it’s also best not to be too slow and too considered, for there are dangers in hesitation; we may lose not only momentum but also faith. – Susan Quiliam

As rough guidelines, 2 months of regular dating is long enough to know whether both sides want to declare themselves partners, 2 years long enough to know whether lifetime commitment is possible. – Susan Quiliam

It is fine to turn someone down. In fact, it’s actually best to turn them down if you come to the conclusion that they aren’t for you. Because by walking away you’re not just freeing yourself to find someone you can love. You are also freeing your no-longer-potential partner to find someone who can love them. Don’t feel guilty. If we know our heart is not in a relationship we do right by everyone if we leave. – Susan Quiliam

If after a while we are still not loved, then however much we mourn, it’s been a lucky escape. In the same way as it’s best to free up a partner we don’t want, it is also best to be freed from a partner who doesn’t want us. We deserve more than that. – Susan Quiliam

Every relationship suffers disequilibrium. Even for just a few moments, one person wonders while the other is certain; one person doubts while the other has faith. – Susan Quiliam

Through the Wall of Life – trials of illness, accident, job change, ageing, bereavement, and with the passing of time, we will learn more about our partner and they will learn more about us. – Susan Quiliam

That’s the hope. That if both of us keep evolving, keep learning, keep growing, then at some point in the future, we will be able to create a wonderful partnership, to relate to each other as never before, to love each other “best”. – Susan Quiliam


How to Choose a Partner by Susan Quilliam (Part 1)

Understanding. Finding a partner can be a difficult task. It can seem like an adventure. It is also a self-development journey. Nowadays, there is a practical aspect to romance too, such as the need for financial stability etc. In the past, romance was not necessarily linked with commitment. Women are more educated, sensible and independent. Love has been a lot more emotional than ever before. Modern romance has a lot of pressures on singles. With the ability to divorce, we can choose to walk away from a relationship. We can even choose to get into another relationship with someone else if our spouse has died. Modern people have higher expectations. In addition, working hours are longer than before. Meeting a mate is indeed very challenging. We see our partner as ‘God’, someone who is perfect. The fact is that this isn’t possible and it’s implausible. In the past, due to lower expectations, there was a greater chance for couples to be happier. We have more dating windows than ever before. One can use speed dating, dating agencies and matchmakers nowadays. Technology has certainly given us more options. More couples have met via technology. The author has worked with couples via her work. The book draws on experiences to guide one in finding the right partner. You have the potential to change your future forever. Seize it.

We once sought meaning in the divine, now that we can no longer find such meaning, we seek it elsewhere. Partnership is the source which is now expected to deliver all the hope and happiness that we originally expected to get from the deity. – Susan Quiliam

Now we fear that if we choose wrong, we will end up not only alone but condemned – even damned – for our failure to make love work. – Susan Quiliam

Being Ready. It’s tempting to rush into it. Is this the right time to be looking?  There are times for being single. If you have other things to tend to, finding a partner shouldn’t be your priority. List down the things your loved ones have given you. Are all your needs met already through your current relationships? Being single allows you to pursue your real vocation. Do not simply do what ‘society’ wants or ‘everyone’ does. You can choose to marry the whole world. Do you have room to hold down a committed relationship? Map out your schedule and determine which of them have to make room for a relationship. You have to be chosen by your partner too. Often, there is a fear of rejection and of making the wrong choice. Learn to overcome the fear. Learn to be vulnerable and reveal your fear. One also needs to be emotionally available. You need to let go of emotional baggage. During post break-up is a terrible time to be a relationship. However, some people do it because of rebound effect. This is not a good idea. One needs time to heal. Are you mature enough to pick a partner in the first place? You will need to know what is worth loving, what you need and how to let go of needs when necessary. You will need to know how to love your partner. If they are not ready, give them the time and space they need.

It’s said that the best thing in life is to be happily partnered and the next best thing is to be happily single – but for some people the hierarchy’s reversed. Some of us are entirely whole without additions, flourish better without distractions, are simply happier alone. – Susan Quiliam

The ideal of singledom is highly valued in many spiritual traditions less because of puritanism than because it frees us to follow our real vocation. – Susan Quiliam

The extra sting in the tale is that the more successful we’ve been in life up to now, the more we’ve developed our career, expanded our social life and gained a rewarding lifestyle, the less room we have for partnership. – Susan Quiliam

Pearls don’t lie on the seashore. If you want one, you have to dive for it. – Chinese Proverb

Does your potential partner have time and room in their life for love? Are they over their past relationship or actually still yearning? Are they reaching out to us through genuine attraction or to fill a life gap? – Susan Quiliam

Looking Back. Look back at your past relationships and learn from them. Your decision is influenced by many factors. Are you influenced by your parents? Who has been your biggest influencer? You should know what your influences are. One develops love maps when young. You will know when a person feels right. This is known as transference. Your partner might not be able to live up to your parent’s expectations etc. You are drawn to a partner who resembles the figures you loved in the past. We know that we have to survive. Sometimes, you secretly want your partner to heal you when there is too much pain. There are many tragic events which can wound us. Similarly, your partner’s past will affect her behavior and personality now. You should just retain the useful bits of the past into your present relationship. You can cull events from your memory bank. If there are events which had you to make misguided decisions, please see a professional.

Very often, the person feels right because they remind us of someone who felt right earlier in life or because we believe that with them we can reclaim the ‘right’ life events. – Susan Quiliam

Not Choosing. There are people who believe that by not choosing, things might work out. However, this is in contrary to popular belief. Not choosing means ceding control of your life. Use a coin toss. Chance is an efficient way to decide. If you believe in fate, chances are you will not put much effort into a relationship because it was so called predetermined. Those who believe in fate are likely to react badly when things go wrong. Growth-love is more sustainable, but involves more effort. Arranged marriages and letting someone else choose for you seems like a bad idea. Matchmakers need to be competent for this arrangement to work. However, if the arranger is well informed and know the guy and girl well, things might work. Online dating seems to present a multitude of options. However, this might be an illusion because dating apps have algorithms which try to match people. They are usually superficial in nature too. Some of their apps are unproven too. Although choice is a good idea, serendipity has its joyful moments too. Enroll and ask advice from friends for guidance, consolation and celebration. Remember to take risks in the process.

It’s not just that love is one of the few areas in modern society where we may still cling to romantic notions of fate determining our future. But also, by handing over control to others, we might avoid repeating past mistakes or making new and future ones. – Susan Quiliam

Offline, be open to the occasional blind date, opportunity dinner from a colleague or fortuitous encounter at the supermarket checkout. Randomness certainly can open a different, less blinkered and therefore sometimes better door. – Susan Quiliam

If done well, “arranged marriages” can triumph, delivering the objectivity of chance, the reassurance of destiny, the pragmatism of growth. – Susan Quiliam

Focusing. More options can be good when there are a lack of alternatives. This is good if you have a small social circle. Avoid stagnant pools but learn to find slow rivers. You could take up a new hobby, dating events etc. You could sign up for a dating site too. Join a variety of sites and be open-minded. Too much choice causes people to make slow decisions. It is easy to be the victim of the shopping mentality. It might be a disaster in disguise. Hence, we need to reach a balance. Elimination is the key. Cut the field to choose only those events where you want to mingle with those in the room. Filter them to either of the categories ‘serious’, ‘fling’, ‘affair’. Use the funnel of love. Those who can’t meet our criteria will be eliminated. The problem is that we might be wary to use the funnel or reject people too quickly. If you are focusing, learn to visualize. Have the mental experience of wanting that partner, feeling entitled to want them. You need to specify your criteria. Learn to write specified lists. It will help to keep you in track. You must know what kind you want to attract. Write down all the elements of an ideal mate: gender, age, appearance, cultural background, religious belief, lifestyle, career, earnings, leisure patterns, hobbies, interests, location (also learn to identify your top 5). Write down your deal-breakers. There are 4 main ones: different sexual leanings; mismatched relationship aims; conflict in deep values; incompatibility of interests. Visualize what a ‘normal, happy day’ would seem. The person has to create the daily life that you want forever.

Don’t get trapped in a social life where you see the same people over and over again. Instead, put your energy into groups which offer a steady and regular through-flow of different individuals, in situations where there’s opportunity to mingle, meet, chat and bond. – Susan Quiliam

Quantity is less crucial than quality in partner choice, but also because the human brain treads a fine line between having a wide range of options and having too many for sanity. – Susan Quiliam

To combat the increasing confusion from emotional paralysis from having too much choice, we try to simplify. Which in turn leads to our over-considering irrelevant criteria, rejecting without real consideration, and craving the ‘next good thing’ rather than focusing on the current one. – Susan Quiliam

I’m not a believer in “The One”, but unless we start saying no to those who aren’t right for us, we won’t get anywhere near those who are. – Susan Quiliam

Partner choice is a quest, and as with all quests it’s good to have a bit of feisty courage – courage to believe in yourself, courage to believe there are partners out there you can choose, courage to believe that there are partners out there who will choose you. – Susan Quiliam

When we create a partner specification, we will often mysteriously find ourselves exploring much wider issues, not just about surface criteria but also about what we need from a partner on a deeper level, and how to instinctively recognize that when it arrives. – Susan Quiliam


Dating Tips 109

Left Swipes and Love by College Magazine

A Millennial’s Guide to Hookups, Dating and Tinder

Introduction. You are in college and you might be curious. The book will dish out tips when using Tinder.

Getting the Girl (or Guy). Why do jerks seem to get the girls? Dennis Procopio is an expert in life coaching and will answer some of your questions. You must talk to a girl who you find is attractive. Creativity is emotional Viagra to a girl. You need to be comfortable in an area where you are not. You need to know what you like. The trick is to do something you like and join an interest group. Confidence is king. Instead of trying to impress them, guys should figure out what they want. Many men feel that they are rude and not creative. However, most men are okay. Start by performing small acts of kindness to show your love for the girl. Lose the fear. Be emotionally honest and be physically intimate towards her. Get involved in a sport if you are weak. Man up and go dancing.

If you are really a man and you want to prove how manly you are, then man up and go dancing. Do things that challenge you to stop taking yourself so seriously. Learn how to go out and have fun. – Dennis Procopio

Women respond to the following in this order: confidence, talent and honesty. Money is like having a big dick. Money and a big dick make you feel confident and women like confidence, but they don’t really care about it. – Dennis Procopio

I lost my boxers but found a girlfriend. I hated and didn’t know how to dance but I forced myself to go. I was stuck with a girl who didn’t know how to dance as well. We decided to practice together. Her name was Liz. Soon, I mustered courage to ask her out. I brought her to meet some of my friends. We danced at the fountain, almost naked. I lost my boxers halfway. I was forced to go commando back home. Never go skinny dipping on campus.

Ten ways to Get into Her Pants. Step 1 is to be a gentleman. The trick is not to overthink your approach and simply talk about anything. You can start off by saying ‘I love your glasses….Hey, were you in XXX class last semester?’ Ask a girl if she wants to dance and do not grind her from behind. Learn to ask the right questions. Do not simply fire questions, and get creative with your follow-up. Try to establish common ground as soon as possible. Try to avoid awkward silences. As a guy, you are supposed to carry the conversation. The trick is to answer your own question too. Laugh at her jokes as this is incredibly sexy. Sneak in some physical touch and grab her waist. The arms, shoulders and neck are okay. Ensure eye contact during the date.

Approach the whole group first, but then hone in on one girl you want. You better be standing next to the girl you want, too. – Unknown

Eye contact is a big one that gentlemen tend to overlook (pun intended). It makes us more comfortable, shows confidence, and is literally the easiest way to convey interest: My eyes are on you, and only you, for a reason. – Unknown

A Bro’s Guide to Picking Up Girls. Vinny and Luke Vaillancourt are known as V-Squared on YouTube and they are experts at love. Use social media to your advantage. Add fun facts to your conversation. Read the person’s Tinder profile so that your conversation won’t be so shallow. Our generation doesn’t do pick-up lines. Please hold off discussing sex on your first conversation. Cheesy lines won’t work well. Go under the surface to get under the sheets. Always be bold. Try to be friends with her first. In a new college, take the chance to sit and know people who are alone.

I Kissed a Girl and I Liked it a Little Too Much. It is important to stay safe and not get pregnant. Always carry condoms with you. Girls liked to kiss each other back in college. However, this time it was different. I really liked her. Happiness was the only thing that mattered.

Sex and Hooking Up

Ten Sex Facts Everyone Should Know, But Doesn’t. There are many forms to sex. Technology has created a new era of sex. It is very unlikely that both you and your partner will experience orgasm at the same time. Women are much less likely to experience an orgasm as they need stimulation from the clitoris. Porn creates bad expectations of sex. Sex gets weird in college. College is a time of experimentation. Less people are dating because they can have sex. Thinking about your grandma during sex won’t make you last longer. Learn from your own experiences. Women are actually very knowledgeable about sex. Men tend to be more confident due to their egos. Your expectations shape your sexual experience.

The Truth about My Casual Hookup. To love someone, it takes time to know their quirks. Dating is very different from a hookup. It is good to set it straight from the start, and know whether someone wants to date you or is just looking for a fling.

College doesn’t have to be all about hookups- being in a meaningful relationship with someone you can call your best friend is just as rewarding. – Unknown

What Movies Don’t Teach you About Sex and Dating in College. The fact is that many people are still virgins in college and haven’t been in any relationships. Not everyone can just have sex and not have romantic feelings for that person. Some guys are simply douchebags who just want to pump and dump. People in college and very gossipy and they end up talking a lot about the same guys in school.

You can make it whatever you want. If you want monogamy, then cool. If you want to just mess around, you can do that too. It’s like pasta: You can have spaghetti, spaghetti with meatballs, fettuccine or whatever. At the end of the day it’s still pasta. You can just do whatever. – Michael Junior

The Morning After: Getting Rid of Your One-Night Stand. You might wake up and find a guy lying on your bed. How do you get rid of him? Make up an excuse and say you need to work on a project. Escort them home and give them a free ride. Just be blunt and say no. Create a medical emergency. Get emotional and cry. The guy will surely leave.

Ten Lines that Instantly Scream Friend Zone. Instead of texting each other for hours on end, look out for the following cues (10 phrases). 1) I value our friendship too much; 2) I love you, bro; 3) ‘Let’s go bra shopping; 4) ‘I wish I could find someone just like you.’; 5) ‘You’re like a sibling to me.’; 6) ‘Burp’; 7) I want to explore my options; 8) ‘You’re too nice for me’; 9) ‘Can I bring my friend with me?’ 10) I’m so happy we’re best friends. If you hear any of the above, you know you have been friend-zoned.

Online Dating 101

Modern Dating: Is Romance Dead? In the past, men married at 23 and women at 20. Now, why do we engage in Netflix and chill? Many people nowadays want instant gratification and want hookups more than dates. Divorce rates are rising. We are also more afraid to commit. We are afraid to settle because the person might not be the right one. Being in too many bad relationships might scar you. Why do you need to date when you can get instant gratification? Do you want a serious commitment or casual fling? The choice is wholly on you to decide.

If an individual we’re interested in brings too much baggage into the mix, we adapt the “there’s more fish in the sea” mentality and move on. The ‘through the thick and thin’ concept is overshadowed by the realm of possibilities we have with sites like OkCupid. – Unknown

The 6 Commandments for Sliding into a Girl’s DM. Social media allows you to meet people whom you have never seen before. Confidence is the key. You must feel that you are good enough for her. Find out about her background and do some research. Learn to be direct. If you want her number or a date, simply ask. The worst answer you will get is no. Do not send or ask for nudes. That will definitely not work. Please proofread before sending.

Don’t message her on FB, then follow it up with a message on Instagram. If the girl doesn’t reply to your first message, she isn’t going to respond to your second or 69th one either so wait for a response or try again once you’ve met her in person. – Unknown

On the Unfounded Fear of Online Dating. Online dating can actually work if used correctly. I found the right guy on Tinder. He was extremely good looking although the problem was that he lived far away. Online dating allows you to gain exposure to people outside your social circle.

Whether you’re looking for a relationship or a casual hookup, you have to set boundaries-meaning open communication about your needs and expectations. But that’s true for all relationships, online or not. – Unknown

Why I’m not Embarrassed about Tinder. Online dating is very common nowadays. Tinder is like real-life flirting. It is like window-shopping based on people’s looks. Tinder is less hookup oriented as compared to Grindr. The largest advertisement in Tinder is your face. Learn to embrace the way Tinder works. It can lead to successes. Sometimes, you might even meet mutual friends on the app. Once I succeeded, I deleted Tinder. The right guy might just be a swipe away.

We see someone we’re physically attracted to, and we make a move. What we do on Tinder is the same thing we do at the bar, except with Tinder you need permission from the other person to approach. – Unknown

Making it Last

Ten Gifts Your Girlfriend Actually Wants. Get her a thoughtful photo album or a scrapbook. Get something for her from Pinterest. Go for concerts together. Explore etsy for handmade crafts. Get her a mix CD with her favorite music. Get her fashionable gloves. Go for groupon deals. If you are in a long term relationship, give her a surprise visit. Choose an item from the Amazon list.

Ten Gifts Your Boyfriend Actually Wants. Get him food that is healthy. Get him some household items or some sentimental DIY decorations. You might also try special edition DVD collections. Pay him a surprise visit. Buy theme park tickets for him. Understand what his guilty pleasures are. Bring him for an outdoor excursion and go hiking together. Get him the latest gear. Buy clothes.

Long Distance Love: Making it Work. LDRs are usually tough. It is great if you can find an on-campus couple. Handle communication by using on-line platforms. Use FaceTime. There is a need to plan when to communicate too. It is not simply good to be spontaneous when dealing with communication issues. Also, remember to devote time to improving your social life in school. You must handle trust issues. If there are no complete trust, it won’t work. However, do remember to give each other space. Ignore the haters who think LDR won’t work. Send random love texts and be creative about it. If you are good, LRDs can work.

Keeping Your Sanity in a College Relationship. Choose a date night so that even if you are busy, you can look forward to date nights. Do understand that plans might change. Quantity does not equal quality. Detach from the hip. One or two days away from one another won’t kill you. Be well rounded. A lack of social life will affect your health and your relationship. Read books together as that is sexy. Some form of planning for activities and dates are useful. Don’t keep using the phone to text. Learn to stay away from your phone to experience life. Staying honest, assertive and open is the key.

But at the end of the day, communication will always be the key to a successful relationship at any stage of the game. Even if you don’t know what to say or how to say it, opening up to your partner is always a good thing. – Unknown

Break Ups and Exes

Five Signs You Need to Move On. How do you know which relationships can be mended? These are signs when you should move on. If you start making excuses for their bad behavior, it’s a bad sign. If you ask him how he is and he doesn’t reply, it’s time to move on. If he starts to ignore problems and not communicate, it’s over. Not committing to future dates or plans is also a no-no. If his family and friends doesn’t like him, it’s bad too. If the above scenarios happen, you need to understand that there is nothing much you can do and you should move on.

Can you stay friends with your ex? Many people don’t believe in being friends with exes as it will never be the same again. Some people still believe in platonic relationships. However, do not rush into being friends right away. There are no clear guidelines as every situation is different.

Finding Love in a Hopeless Place

How to Show You’re Serious about Love. Understand your limits. Watch your tinder account. Please get off your phone. Most people are bolder online than in real life. Remember why your ex sucked. Be clear about what you want and what your romantic goals are. Dating around is good in the sense that you can learn about your preferences. Overall, one should embrace love. Never be afraid to love again.

If you want a relationship, don’t post pictures where you look like a party girl. If you want more than a casual hookup, leave some room for mystery and don’t display your goods for all to see. You get what you put into it.’ – Lauren Frances

The biggest mistake is dating people that don’t have the same values or goals and magically expect people to change. – Lauren Frances

I’m not saying falling in love and being in love is easy. But I am saying it’s worth it. – Lauren Frances

Tinder dating app photo

The Man’s Guide to Women by John Gottman (Part 2)

Part 4: Making Love to a Woman

Image is Everything (Understanding How Women View Their Bodies). A female has a complex relationship with her body. Men like it for its curves and how soft it is. Men never get sick of it. A hero will compliment her on her looks and body. In addition, learn to compliment her if she dresses well. Women view a lot of advertisements every day. These advertisements show what typical beauty should be like. Most women have a painful relationship when they look in the mirror. Tell her: you are beautiful no matter what you wear. A female sees herself as part of her body. If she thinks she is ugly, she is not going to feel good. Media also says that looks don’t last forever. Women have too many clothing choices. You should never criticize the way she looks. Her self-esteem is closely tied to how she looks. You can make her feel beautiful in your eyes. Being thin is not everything. Women like to feel that they are fertile. There was a point in time when eating disorders were very common. Some men also hate their bodies too. This is not just common with women. Men are concerned about their penis size. A woman has to feel desirable. What can you do with a body to excite her? A joke about her weight can affect her emotionally. Do not suggest that she go on a diet or exercise.

Her Body is a Wonderland (An Anatomy Lesson). Touch a woman’s erogenous zones. You must know her mind and heart. You need to ignite her mind first. It is not possible to fake an orgasm. She is responsible for her own sexual pleasure. Understand the basic female anatomy. Her sexual organs have been mysterious. The G-spot, the clitoris, the A-spot and the U-spot are all difficult to locate. Mons Veneris is usually covered with hair and is the padded area on top of a woman’s pubic bone. Labia means lips (there is a labia majora and labia minora). When she is aroused, her labia can get aroused. The clitoris is small and difficult to locate. It is extremely sensitive and full of nerve endings. This is the best part to stimulate. A Hero will be able to find it. The G-spot can make her wild. The A-spot and U-spot are less commonly known. The A-spot is called the anterior fornix erotic zone. You must enjoy her from head to toe. Stroking her hair or kissing her lips, touching her neck etc can get her aroused. Learn to make passionate love to her. If you can’t find the clitoris, ask for help.

Becoming Her Best Ever. A primer on passionate sex. You have to be a hero in the bedroom. Animals like to engage in sex quickly, without much pleasure. The male porcupine keeps stroking the female’s face so that quills come down before they can make love. The male will not get injured this way. The male porcupine is a hero. Use indirect strategies to ask for sex. Men think more about sex than women. Not many men have a requirement before they are willing to engage in sex. Gay couples have a lot more sex than lesbians. Even after menopause, many females can still have sex and there is no decrease in sexual pleasure. Sometimes, a woman can have a stronger sex drive than a man. Many initiations for sex are non-verbal in nature. The bottom line is to just ask her for sex. There is a 75% chance she will say yes if she is feeling safe. Do not be angry if she rejects you. If she feels pain, stop touching her immediately. These might be areas of enduring vulnerabilities and you need to respect those boundaries. You need to be close and connected to the lady. Casual sex is just mutual masturbation and it isn’t great. For women, interest does not spell desire. You need to connect the mind and heart. Forget whatever you whatever porn you have seen. Porn addiction can interfere with your sex life. Making love is both an art and a science. Women can reach orgasm fairly quickly. Sex is supposed to be fun for the both of you. Everything you do, even how you kiss her matters. Create the sense of anticipation and foreplay necessary. Dopamine kick starts in your brain. You will have the sense of anticipation of a reward. Look passionately and lovingly into a woman’s eyes. Remember to smile more. When you smile, think about her and be genuine about it. Everything positive for you in a form of foreplay. Avoid giving kisses which are too wet. Kissing her neck is sexy. If she bares her neck, it is a sign of major interest. Her nipples are an erogenous zone too. Do not flick it. Breasts are to be cherished. Apply light and delicate touches. Use your finger to awaken her breasts. It is best to go in with a gentle approach. There is no sexual routine to follow. Oral sex can be very pleasurable. Use your tongue to roll her clitoris and this will drive her crazy. Keep your teeth away. Your tongue and lips should do the job. Use your hands to touch her breasts and nipples. Enter her vagina with your fingers and arouse her sensitive spots. Slowly move your penis inside her. Tease and tempt her. Understand the rhythm which she is comfortable with. Experiment with different positions like the missionary position. Some people like the woman to be on top. Only 25% of women can experience orgasm through intercourse also. A sex toy may be able to help her. However, do not simply focus on getting her an orgasm. Most of them must have at least some clitoral stimulation. If the man is on top, it is harder. Make sure your nails are not sharp or you will hurt her. If her nostrils flare, she is enjoying it. Men tend to want to fall asleep after ejaculating. Even after sex, the woman wants to be held and stroked. Hold her. Becoming best buddies with her clitoris. Pleasure understand that sex is not like porn.

It’s one of the best things about sex: What’s good for her is good for you, and what’s good for you is good for her. – John Gottman

Look into her eyes. Kiss her deeply. Run your fingers lightly up and down her body. Don’t rush. Experience her desire. – John Gottman

If you are not multiorgasmic, after you come you will have a refractory period during which all the pleasure and prayers in the world are not going to get you erect again. The average refractory period for all men is typically a half hour. – John Gottman

Part 5: Living With a Woman

Learn to fight like a girl. Understanding women and conflict. There are rollercoasters to every relationship. Men want less fighting. It is important to learn to manage conflict. She wants a good listener. Problem solving is secondary to a lady, whereas it might be primary for a man. There is no place for shock and awe. Conflicts might break out from time to time. Conflicts are arise from anything at all. Men handle anger differently. Female hate a sense of injustice. You need to do your fair share of work. Women tend to stay angry longer and use indirect aggression. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling. Women don’t like the feeling of being powerless. Usually when you quarrel, your heart rate goes up. It is difficult to communicate well in this state. What can you do when you are emotionally flooded? The trick is to breather and count to 10. This is a way of soothing yourself. The other strategy is to take a break, not take flight. You can continue the conversation, say, 30 minutes later. Men maintain vigilance and physiological arousal for long periods. Often when you are flooded, you don’t feel a sense of empathy for her. Females can resolve and engage in calm and self-soothing behavior more easily. Women prefer to talk things out whereas men prefer to flee. During your break, you need to detach yourself from everything and takes at least 20 minutes. The trick is to do something else like reading a magazine. Domestic violence stems from the fact that people don’t calm down. Create a break ritual in the middle of a conflict. A Hero will try and understand what the complaint is about. Ask the following questions: What do you need? What are you concerned about? What are you feeling? Women are looking out for trustworthiness. You must always listen to her. Try to avoid getting aggressive. Conflict happens even in the best of times.

Why Does it take so long to buy a pair of shoes? Understanding the Evolutionary Importance of Shopping. Vast majority of women like shopping. In the past, people foraged for food and females did so too. The men hunted while the women gathered. Men shop only for specific items he needs. He also likes to be efficient and determined in looking for something. After his purchase, he goes home straightaway. Females tend to have better memories than males. For instance, they can better remember the items to buy. There are also shops where men can wait while women do their shopping. A lady is usually judged based on how she looks. She needs to be clothes-conscious. Shopping, therefore, even matters more to a woman than to a man. Understand that shopping is in their DNA. It is for them, an expression of their creativity.

Best Friends Forever. Understanding Women and Friendship. Usually, you will get to know her friends too. Men aren’t that close to their friends as compared to women. Women still need social from other women. Socially isolated people suffer more than others. Men need a woman to stay alive. Therefore, you must allow her space so that she can nurture such relationships. Females have better affiliation systems than males. Befriending others releases oxytocin, which lowers the stress response. Women rely on social support. These matter too as it can influence your own relationship too. Best friends aren’t just for girls. Do not be jealous about the attention she gives to her friends.

You can attune with your partner night and day, and this is great for the relationship, but women still need the company of other women and the support that goes along with it. – John Gottman

Interestingly, what determined whether men would die younger was whether or not they were married, whereas for women it was their friendships with other women that determined their longevity. – John Gottman

The answer is that even the best of relationships can’t give a woman everything she needs. The quality of your friendship is important to your relationship, but the quality of her friendships with other women is also important to your relationship. – John Gottman

Part 6: Loving a Woman for a Lifetime

Is She the One?  Understanding Women and Commitment. Everyone has to go through the stages of love and got to get to know each other. You will still have ups and downs. You can’t force commitment. Men also want commitment as well. Most of them like meaningful and committed relationships. The first stage of love is lust. You keep thinking about her and how great she looks etc. However, the problem with this is that you might ignore red flags in the relationship. In the second stage of relationships, you see the red flags. Find someone to care for your offspring. Sometimes, arguments might set in. She wants to learn and know that you are trustworthy indeed. The third stage is about building loyalty and commitment. A men performs at his best when he has someone beside him. She must make you feel wonderful. Do you feel at home with her? Do you feel like your best self? More alive, more joyful and more adventurous? It is not necessary to completely share the same interests. If she has a completely opposite view on children as compared to you, it isn’t likely that she is the one. Men need stronger relationships too. Marriage confers health and longevity benefits. It is also important to find an educated female. Men who are single tend to drink more and engage in bad health habits.

Mother Nature. Men often want to witness the delivery of their child. It is important to support the woman in her journey through motherhood. Being present matters a lot. It is an awesome sight to behold. It isn’t easy to become a father. Women definitely want their children to thrive. Each time your wife strokes her baby, her oxytocin levels increase. Learn to develop a bond with your baby

Ensure you take care of her needs. You need to understand a woman’s relationship with her child or you will never understand her well. Men are now taking the role of nurturing babies. Now, dad has to play the role of caregiver too. Fathers like to play with babies too. When the kid is young, they usually choose the dad as play partners. The role of play cannot be under-estimated. Fathers also give room for the infant to explore. A dad must never be seen to be ‘absent’. Mothers also like their husbands to parent the kid. A father certainly plays an important role. Many men feel tied down once they have a kid. They complain that there is no more adventure in their life. Taking care of a child can be very rewarding indeed. Mother love is a force of nature. Men must do their fair share of the work.

The best predictor of the empathy of the child was how involved the dad was when the child was 5 years old. The more involved the dads, the more empathic the kids. – John Gottman

Staying Together (Loving a Woman for a Lifetime). Einstein was clueless when he came to ladies. How do you keep her happy for a lifetime? Do not give her a list of demands. Never think you are Mr Know it all. Never ever stop dating her. Learn to be vulnerable. Trust is the backbone to the relationship. Trust is associated with a sense of safety and loving. Avoiding conflict is also bad. If you avoid conflict, the relationship slowly drifts apart. Cracks in a relationship can form and the house will eventually topple. You must always turn towards your partner. Kiss her goodbye for 6 seconds at least. It builds passion and romance. Make time at least once a week for date night. Plan and prepare for it. Think of new things and places to visit and go. Get to know her better even though you may already know her well. Appreciate the small things in life. Honor her dreams and relationships. You must support her in achieving her goals. You never want your woman to feel lonely in a relationship. Cherish and embrace her.

Compliment her, thank her, admire her, show her with your words and your actions that you love and value her. Tell her she is beautiful. Let her know you desire her. Do something nice for her. – John Gottman


The Man’s Guide to Women by John Gottman (Part 1)

Secrets from the Love Lab. You will definitely benefit from this book. However, this book is meant more for males. Women are inherently mysterious. This book is written as an easy-to-read and easy-to-use guide. Whether a relationship succeeds or fails largely depends on the man’s actions. How you think and what you do matters the most to a lady. Learn to succeed with women for a lifetime. Understand a woman’s mind and heart. After this book, hopefully your relationship with a girl will improve. John Gottman is a researcher. He learnt about women the hard way. There are definitely new insights in this book. Couples were observed in a love lab. They were observed over a period of time and their core body signs were being measured. It is important to know what women want and need. Understand the secrets of attraction.

Understanding a Woman. What do women really want? This is the most important question around. Stephen Hawking had trouble understanding women. Every girl is special and unique. The book will guide you of the heart and mind of a lady. You want to be totally immersed. The only thing that women look for is trustworthiness. ‘You are who you say you are and you do what you say you are going to do.’ It’s about being reliable. This is important especially when raising children. Fathers need to be involved in taking care of children. You should do little things that show you care for her. You also need to safeguard her heart. In addition, you need to listen to her if she has problems. Learn to be intimate and well-connected. Problems might develop if you dismiss women’s emotions instead of being attuned to them. Trust is built via emotional connection. Focus on your woman when she is talking to you. Put away your cell phone. Attention equals affection. Face her when she is speaking. Ask questions to understand her. This is important as it demonstrates genuine concern. Practise non-defensive listening. It is important not to retaliate or counter-attack. Always learn to empathize with her. Read her body language and interpret. Show empathy and compassion. Attuning is a skill which can be honed over time. Try not to talk about yourself too much. Never ignore her or shut her off. If you use your built or size to intimidate her, she will not be extremely comfortable with you. Even if you are seeing multiple women, they still need to trust you. Men want less fighting and more sex. In addition, men like to feel approved and adored by their women. Men are better at hiding their feelings. Never show that impatient attitude towards women. There is no need to offer sage advice if you don’t have any good advice up your sleeve. Acceptance of her emotions is the key. Boys are less serious when playing a game. Problems are dealt with easily among boys. Guys like to dispense with the emotion and get on with playing. To girls, the game is just a mask for exploring the closeness of the relationship. Men have issues when girls express negative emotions. Emotions mean intimacy to a lady. Show up and be yourself. Avoid checking out other women when you are with her. Pay full attention to her when she is chatting.

Women want men who are there for them when they need them. They want men who are interested in them and who care about them. Women need to feel respected, heard, and connected. – John Gottman

To put it simply, listening is sexier than talking. Asking questions is sexier than broadcasting. Being genuinely interested in her is much more important than trying to be interesting to her. – John Gottman

A Mind of her Own (The Art of Understanding a Woman’s Brain). Our brains are made up of cerebrum, cerebellum and brain stem. Male brains are 10% larger, however, it does not mean we are more intelligent than females. Women’s hormonal levels rise and fall during each month. There is a sense of rhythm for a female. The holy trinity is estrogen, progesterone and testosterone. Even testosterone is important for a lady. The cycle will affect her moods etc. During the first 2 weeks of the cycle, she can be more talkative and relaxed. The 2 weeks after this cycle, will might be more stressed and irritable. Women will eventually have to go through menopause. Women are more emotionally sensitive. During ovulation, she might be more eager to have sex. During PMS, she could be more moody. Before menstruation, women usually like alone time. You could help her get her alone time. Not every women will have a 28 day cycle. You should understand your women’s cycle. Do not take her moods personally. Sometimes, it has nothing to do with you. Hormones can influence her sex drive. Women are more attracted to alpha men when they are ovulating. There are times when you should be both alpha and beta. No wonder it might be difficult to understand women. Strip dancers make more money when they were ovulating. Women can also enjoy sex after menopause. Testosterone is also present in ladies, but in less quantities. Men often think more about sex than women. Sex drive declines as you age. Women tend to experience fear more easily than men. They experience fear in a completely different way. They are conditioned to be concerned about their safety and well-being. Once they experience fear, they will be more wary of the similar events happening. Touch is effective, even holding hands. It can have a powerful effect on woman as it makes them feel safe. Never dismiss her fears as being irrational or blame it on PMS. Try not to walk in front of her.

For starters, when a woman is afraid, hold her hand. Even better, try to help her avoid feeling afraid in the first place. – John Gottman

Women need a reason for sex. Men just need a place. – Billy Crystal

Part 2: Dating a Woman

Chapter 3: Read My Hips (Understanding Women and Attraction). Confidence, intelligence and high social status can be very sexy indeed. Being a dungeon master in a game can signal leadership qualities. You can be a hero to a girl in that sense. There is a difference between confidence and arrogance. Be secure in your abilities. There are non-verbal cues you can use. Pick-up lines are virtually useless. Women can signal whether they want to be approached or not. They might give clues or signal actions. Most men think they are unattractive. This is a problem. Women are drawn to symmetrical faces. People want to reproduce with someone who can give the most viable offspring. A woman’s hips can signal fertility too. The trick is to take up space or ‘space maximizing’. Also, make glancing behaviors. Look and smile at her. Do not cross your leg at your knee. Slap your guy buddy. Try not to fidget too much or make random gestures. Stress is not sexy. Keeping calm is something girls are attracted to. Women will exhibit cues if they flirt, like tilt their heads, give short glances, play with her hair etc. If she likes you, she will smile and give you direct eye contact. If she gives you unfavourably non-verbal behavior, you should not approach. You have to make yourself as universally attractive as possible. Humour is an indication of intelligence. Attraction has to be mutual for things to work. Repeated glancing and looking away from you is a sense of attractiveness. Hygiene and clothing matter.

Now you might not have nunchuck skills, bow-hunting skills, or computer hacking skills, but whatever your skills, women will be attracted to the expertise you demonstrate in your particular area of interest. In other words, if you collect stamps, be the most powerful, high-status collector there is. – John Gottman

The men who were successful were space maximizers, showing their dominance in the social setting by stretching out their legs, throwing an arm around their chair, or otherwise owning the space they occupied. – John Gottman

First Impressions (Do’s and Don’ts of Dating). If she likes you, she will look at you and glance and smile. Do not pretend to be someone you are not. This is the key. Be a good listener and be genuinely interested. Put the woman in the center of attention. Pick-up lines or jokes generally don’t work. Women like honest conversation. Let the girl talk and finish her sentences. Keep the questions positive. Listen to her responses and ask follow-up questions. The questions should be open-minded in nature. Look into her eyes when she is speaking. Lower-pitched voices are attractive. Try to mirror her body language. Pay attention to her words and her body language. She is most likely to give you her number if you touch her forearm while you ask. Women are wary and do not want to go to bed with a complete stranger. Put the girl in the front and centre of your date. Engage in an adventurous activity on your date. You might just arouse her. There is a fine line between interrogation and conversation. Demonstrate your protective instincts. Do not tell her she is wrong. Just say that her point of view is interesting. Don’t ask her if she likes you. This will just make you seem insecure and you will end up in the friend-zone. Plan a date that makes her feel special and important. Do not scan the room and check out the other girls.

Women are impressed with a guy who has emotional energy, who is passionate about whatever he’s talking about, and who asks questions and really listens to the answers. – John Gottman

Ask for about her interests, her passions, her life dreams, her bucket list. Find out where she’s traveled and what she loves to do. Ask her who her best friends are, and find out what they are like and what she loves about them etc. – John Gottman

Part 3: Romancing a Woman

Making Your Move (The Science of Seduction). Humans release pheromones when we sweat. People can find it attractive. It is about attraction and sensuality. Women have a better sense of smell. How you smell matters. A baby also produces smell. Pheromones are a two-way street. Research has shown that gay men preferred odor of other gay men. There are such things as pheromone parties too. A woman always remembers the first kiss. It matters a lot. It certainly brings a vivid memory. There are huge numbers of nerve endings on your lips. For a good kiss, oral hygiene is important. Learn to be confident. Do not ask for permission to kiss. Read the signals and see if she wants to kiss you. If she looks at your eyes and lips or if she licks her lips, it’s a clear sign. Learn to go slow for your first kiss. Touch her face, stroke her hand to build a sense of anticipation. Feel the sensations in her mouth. Men’s saliva contains testosterone. Do not drool as drooling is not sexy. Always trust your instincts. You can hold her and kiss her too. You need to read the signs and see if she is attracted to you or not. Moving in too fast doesn’t work.

Is she more than a hookup? (Reading a Woman’s True Profile). Oxytocin feels good. However, it impairs your ability to make sound decisions. Oxytocin reduces the fear level in your brain. It makes life more erotic. Infants who were ‘securely attached’ in their childhood are better able to handle conflict in their adult relationships. Early imprints can affect how you behave or perform in a relationship. Even geese can be attached to humans especially if they are still infants. Watch how the girl you likes treats her family to get an idea of how she will treat you. Try to notice if she is kind or not. If she complains, see if she blames others. Is she honest or does she like to lie? Is she conscientious and open minded? Is she more optimistic or pessimistic? Does she follow up on her actions? Does she accept your friends? Is there sexual chemistry? There needs to be a mix between heart, mind and body. Stay clear of the damsel in distress. Does she always seem to be the victim or does she learn from her mistakes? Is the princess who expects special treatment? Nowadays, this type of girls lack empathy and common courtesy. Is she a competer? Does she boast about her achievements? This type of woman might be a perfectionist in nature. Is she a drama queen? Is she always getting in trouble? Is she an alcoholic? Some traits might indicate a personality disorder. Conversation has to be smooth and easy-going. Limerence might cause you to ignore red flags in a relationship. Do not base a relationship on physical attraction alone.

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