Psychology quotes 201 to 250

Posted in Motivational Quotes by marcuschanco87

‘Their experiment, the authors write, suggests that when we do something with another person, we pay more attention to that experience than we would if we weren’t sharing it, even though we now have somebody else to think about.’ Anna North
‘You and your friend are listening to Stravinsky’s ‘Rite of Spring.’ Thoughts about this piece of music are now intertwined with thoughts about your friend. Even though you are both focused on the melody, you are also highly aware of one another. Thinking about your friend and his or her mind might therefore cause you to think more about the ‘Rite of Spring,’ because that is also what is on his or her mind.’ Anna North
‘The research distinguishes between sharing or ‘self-disclosure,’ which is associated with positive friendships and positive feelings, and dwelling on problems, concerns and frustrations. Dwelling and rehashing issues can keep girls, who are more prone to depression and anxiety than boys, stuck in negative thinking patterns, psychologists say.” Anna North
‘Our research suggests that doing an unpleasant task together can make it worse,” she explained, “but that we can get relief from the negativity if the person we’re with is instead focused on a different task. In other words, what really matters for experience amplification seems to be the locus of the other person’s attention. If someone else is attending to the same thing you are, your experience will be more intense than if that person is attending to something else.” Erica J. Boothby
‘We cannot cure existential anxiety, but we can show that there is no necessity to have big ideas worth dying for in order to find small pleasures worth living for.’ Adam Gopnik
‘When you are alone you have to face all your problems alone – there’s no one to discuss them with. But in all the time that I have spent alone, I have never felt lonely. I had so many things that I wanted to see. I loved it so much, doing things in my own rhythm, drifting along streets and looking at things just as I wanted to. It is a great luxury.’ Dorothea Bluemer
‘When we’re inactive or slow down the pace at which we live, we can’t help thinking of features of our lives we’d prefer to forget – above all, the fact that we’re going to die. By being always on the move and never leaving ourselves without distraction, we can avoid such disturbing thoughts.’ John Gray
‘Blaise Pascal (a Mathematician) suggested that humans are driven by a need for diversion. A life that’s always time-pressed might seem a recipe for unhappiness, but in fact the opposite is true. Human beings are much more miserable when they have nothing to do and plenty of time in which to do it.’ John Gray
“It’s the principle of reciprocity. If someone does something for you and you feel obliged to do something back. It’s the same principle that marketing people use when they give you free samples.” Sandy Mann, on why giving free food to employees might increase their productivity
‘Maslow described a “hierarchy of needs” for human beings. The most basic are physiological – including food and shelter – and a feeling of safety. If these are taken care of, employees can move on to the next stages – feeling socially accepted and gaining a sense of self-esteem. Once freed of such ordinary human concerns, Maslow argued, they can progress to “self-actualisation” – a full-on commitment to their work which leaves them feeling fulfilled.’ Justin Parkinson
‘From then onwards (after detesting aristocracy), Dostoyvesky realised that human life was not a movement from a backward past to a better future, as he had believed or half-believed when he shared the ideas of the radical intelligentsia. Instead, every human being stood at each moment on the edge of eternity.’ John Gray
‘Dostoyevsky suggests that the result of abandoning morality for the sake of an idea of freedom will be a type of tyranny more extreme than any in the past.’ John Gray
‘So rather than trying to override your decision-making impulses on splurging on expensive items, a better strategy might be to try to change them. And recent research suggests that an effective way to do that is by cultivating the emotion of gratitude.’ David DeSteno
‘Findings show is that certain emotions can temporarily enhance self-control by decreasing desires for immediate gratification. While feeling happy doesn’t do much to increase patience, feeling grateful does.’ David DeSteno
‘Working longer, in other words, only guarantees achieving more if you’re confident that every minute is well spent.’ Gaby Hinsliff
‘Are you really, really happy or are you just comfortable?’ Unknown
‘A friend with a degree in positive psychology and who is a “psychotherapist and resilience coach” distinguishes between two ideas of happiness: hedonism and eudaimonia. The first is defined by pleasure and consumption, the second by virtue and excellence. Hedonism is a source of fleeting feelings of pleasure, but it ultimately fuels dissatisfaction. Eudaimonia, by contrast, is the idea of human flourishing, of how human beings thrive when they choose certain ways of living. A central concept in Aristotle’s Ethics, it is about the good life as an end to strive for, not as a thing to possess or consume.’ Lydia Lim, a ST editor
‘The more we learn, the more we are able, by linking our areas of knowledge together, to come up with creative ideas…Thus the more we know, the more we can create.’ Philippa Perry (How to Stay Sane)
‘It has been an important experience to see how people can take ordinary things and transform them into meaningful symbols. We can create aesthetic experiences — not only aesthetic, but ecstatic — by paying attention to what’s around us, finding the beauty in things that you normally pass over.’ Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
‘Courage is more exhilarating than fear and in the long run it is easier. We do not have to be heroes overnight. Just a step at a time. Meeting each thing that comes up. Seeing it is not as dreadful as it appeared. Discovering we have the strength to stare it down.’ Eleanor Roosevelt
‘We can’t live outside time, we begin to age the moment we’re born. But the emerging age-acceptance movement neither decries nor denies the aging process. It recognizes that one can remain vital and present, engaged and curious, indeed continue to grow, until one’s dying breath.’ Anne Karpf
‘When alternatives are on a par, when the world doesn’t determine a single right thing to do, that doesn’t mean that value writ large has been exhausted. Instead of looking outward to find the value that determines what you should do, you can look inward to what you can stand behind, commit to, resolve to throw yourself behind. By committing to an option, you can confer value on it.’ Ruth Chang
‘When we choose between options that are on a par, we make ourselves the authors of our own lives. Instead of being led by the nose by what we imagine to be facts of the world, we should instead recognize that sometimes the world is silent about what we should do. In those cases, we can create value for ourselves by committing to an option.’ Ruth Chang
‘Writing about your feelings, a practice long embraced by teenagers and folk singers, is now attracting attention as a path to good health. And a recent study suggests that reflecting on your emotions could help you get over a breakup.’ Anna North
‘There’s a really delicate balance between avoiding and getting over-involved for every stressful event, and so you touch on it, you think about it, you put it out there, you reflect, and then you sort of create some distance.” Dr. Sbarra
‘Because being easy on the eye won’t give you an easy pass to online success (dating websites). Instead, having people think you are unattractive can actually work to your advantage.’ Hannah Fry
‘And the maths behind this algorithm comes with an important result: those who do the asking (take initiative) will always end up with much better partners than the group who sit back and accept a suitor’s advances.’ Hannah Fry
‘When choosing a profile picture (dating website), don’t be afraid to put some people off. You’re not trying to appeal to the masses, so don’t make yourself bland. Play up to whatever makes you different – that’s the best way to attract the people who matter.’ Hannah Fry
‘As almost a century of research on romantic relationships has taught us, predicting whether two people are romantically compatible requires the sort of information that comes to light only after they have actually met.’ Eli J. Finkel
‘Curated text and a handful of pictures will never be able to tell you whether the first-date conversation will crackle or whether you’ll feel a desire to discover what makes this person tick.’ Eli J. Finkel
‘But for open-minded singles — those who would like to marry someday and want to enjoy dating in the meantime — Tinder may be the best option available now. Indeed, it may be the best option that has ever existed.’ Eli J. Finkel
‘The more you express your happiness, the stronger it becomes inside you. If you hold your happiness in and never express it, it gradually dissipates. Express it clearly and visibly and it gets stronger and lasts longer.’ Alexander Kjerulf (Happy Hour is 9 to 5)
“I mused for a few moments on the question of which was worse, to lead a life so boring that you are easily enchanted, or a life so full of stimulus that you are easily bored.” Bill Bryson
‘We are all human beings. We were born without any guarantee that we would not make mistakes.’ Arsenal manager, Arsene Wenger
‘We pick our friends not only because they are kind and enjoyable company, but also, perhaps more importantly, because they understand us for who we think we are.’ Alain De Botton (The Consolations of Philosophy)
‘The scientists suggested that a single alcoholic drink could make people seem more attractive because it caused facial muscles to relax, pupils to dilate and cheeks to flush. Rosiness is attractive because it characterizes good physical health characteristics.’ Professor Marcus Munafo
‘The emotions of hatred, envy and covetousness and lust for domination are life-conditioning emotions…which must fundamentally and essentially be present in the total economy of life.’ Friedrich Nietzsche
‘Male dogs responded better than female dogs and both groups spent less time standing and barking when the music was being played. Although by the end of the week their heart rates and behaviour associated with kennel stress had returned to normal, the initial findings are very encouraging and show that classical music does have a positive impact on the dogs’ welfare.’ Mendes Ferreira
‘People who are generally impatient, or who get bored or frustrated easily, are more likely to engage in repetitive body-focused behaviors such as skin-picking, nail-biting or eyelash-pulling.’ Dr Kieron O’Connor
“We believe that individuals with these repetitive behaviors may be perfectionistic, meaning that they are unable to relax and to perform task at a ‘normal’ pace. They are therefore prone to frustration, impatience, and dissatisfaction when they do not reach their goals. They also experience greater levels of boredom.” Dr. Kieron O’Connor
‘If you ever aren’t sure if you attended the very best party or bought the very best computer, just settle for “good enough.” People who do this are called “satisficers,” and they’re consistently happier, he’s found, than are “maximizers,” people who feel that they must choose the very best possible option.’ Albert Schwartz
‘A person of kindness and virtue, in whom we find nothing to which to object, can leave us indifferent or cold from a romantic point of view, whereas someone else who is without these virtues may, for reasons that are almost completely unclear, appeal to us profoundly.’ Christopher Hamilton (How to Deal with Adversity)
”That is why those who are truly addicted to something feel, when indulging the addiction, that the world is theirs. But, of course, when the moment has passed, they feel even more acutely the indifference of the world – which feeds the addiction.’ Christopher Hamilton (How to Deal with Adversity)
‘Researchers used functional magnetic resonance imaging to look at the effect of donation on the brain. They found increased activity in the ventral striatum during acts of voluntary giving. This is a region associated with reward, one of the areas that bursts into life under the influence of addictive stimulants like cocaine. Charity can get you high.’ David Shariatmadari
‘I’m a human being, and the good feeling I get from being generous isn’t something I can rise above. Better to acknowledge that giving to charity is selfish, and keep on giving, all the same.’ David Shariatmadari
‘‘What’s more, our ability to read for pleasure is taxed by the amount of reading we do. There is such a glut of blogs, emails, texts and tweets that the distinction between literary works and nonliterary works has become badly blurred and people tend to read everything in the same way, pragmatically.’ Lily Tuck
‘In his book “The Act of Reading,” Wolfgang Iser, known for his reader-response theories, writes that ideally a book should transform a reader by “disconfirming” his habitual notions and perceptions and thus forcing him or her to a new understanding of them.’ Lily Tuck
”The idea that young people are indefatigable hedonists, forever in search of their next pleasure-fix, surgically attached to social media, utterly belies the fact that young people are more prone to wrestle with life’s meaning and purpose than older and often more cynical adults.’ Anne Karpf (How to Age)
‘We’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we’re not alone.’ Orson Welles
‘If you were required to choose all your phone settings on your own, you would have to spend a great deal of time thinking about which settings were best, and you might end up frustrated and bored. You might also make a lot of mistakes.’ Cass R. Sunstein

3Dec2014

快乐只有自己能给 (Your Happiness, Your Call) by 何权峰

Posted in Self-Improvement by marcuschanco87

Part 1 – No matter how bad the situation is, don’t forget to give yourself some space

1.1 You are the master of your heart and emotion. It is possible to selectively listen to others’ inputs and only hear those which you wish to listen. Do not accept criticism if you choose so. This will make you feel better. In some sense, no one can make you unhappy. Only when you choose to accept what actually say, will it affect your emotions. No one is responsible for how you feel and therefore it is not necessary to put the blame on others. Other people or external factors will not cause one heartache or troubles, unless we believe they have the ability to cause us heartache or troubles. This is the root cause of the problem. No one can enter your head and change the way you think or feel.

1.2 I just can’t forget! Through the course of time, it will be easier to forget. Change your mindset and avoid recollecting unhappy situations caused by others. The less you talk about it, the easier to forget. A human’s capacity to remember facts and situations are limited. Avoid mentioning issues that may trigger your bad memories to resurface. Sometimes, trying to forget does not work. Instead, dropping the issue completely will be more effective.

1.3 Are you thinking too much? Refrain from being too suspicious of others and guessing how they will feel about you or what they currently feel. Once you let your thoughts stray, you might become too suspicious of the other person. We often believe the thoughts in our heads to be true. The fact is that most of our thoughts/perceptions about others turn out to be false. Often, an angry person will recall thoughts of the situation which led him to be angry in the first place, causing a heightened sense of anger. The key is to question whether the thoughts that surface will come true in reality.

1.4 Things are not the way it seems. People tend to misunderstand situations although they think that they fully see the whole picture and understand the situation. Always seek to gather more facts and gain insights from different perspectives before jumping to conclusions. Try to avoid guessing what others are thinking as it will often be inaccurate. Simply ask them instead.

1.5 Why the urge to feel angry? Anger usually stems from viewing things from a narrow perspective. Troubles can be caused not by external factors, but simply having a strong but narrow one sided view of the situation. It is important to sit down and analyse whether your anger is caused by external factors or your own perspective. The next time you want to flare up at someone, ask yourself this question. Which do I value more? Getting my point of view/perspective right or our friendship?

1.6 New insights. Discover. If you adopt a fresh perspective and view things differently, your actions will naturally change accordingly. Give others the benefit of the doubt sometimes, especially when they commit a mistake. Things will be very different with just a change of mindset.

1.7 Paying attention to a particular act will allow you to discover more about it. If you look hard enough, you will find it. We often pay attention to the object in focus, often forgetting about the objects in the background. Every morning, we get to choose how we want our day to be. There are two common ways of looking at a situation, with optimism or pessimism. Think of happy moments when feeling down. Life is like a photograph, it has to be appreciated from the right angle. A good way to recognize the happy moments in life is to jot them down as they come along.

Part 2 – Life is already tiring, why make it hard on yourself

2.1 Those you hold dear. Try not to hate anyone. For every time you remember how much you hate someone, he dominates your thoughts. For every time you whine about him to your friends, he dominates your speech. For every time you hear his name and related events, he dominates your feelings. Once you try to get away from him, he, in turn, dominates your actions. Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer. Love your enemies so that you can completely get rid of them.

2.2 Degree of hurt. Don’t sweat on the small stuff. Don’t get angry over small incidents. The ironic is that people dwell on these things more than on happy moments in their lives. Ask yourself whether you get upset over small stuff.

2.3 Hurting others does not give you pleasure. Avoid having the vengeful mentality, or the need to get back at those you hate. You hurt your well-being just by hating others as your mind will be filled with dark and sinister thoughts. ‘An eye for an eye’. Everyone loses.

2.4 Difficulty in letting go. Those difficult moments in your life are such that you should always strive to let them go and disappear from your thoughts. Learn to be bold and accept changes. Clinging on to the past won’t help. Venture into the unknown.

2.5 Ain’t you in the past, the one from the beginning? Looking back retrospectively won’t help you, so will regretting what you did not do in the past. If you haven’t chosen a path, how will you know it isn’t the right one? Often, we make decisions based on all the information gathered at that moment. This tends to be an optimal decision. There is no such thing as ‘what if I had known’, ‘on hindsight’, ‘I should have known better’ etc. If you can learn from the experience of making a mistake in the past, then you should not be having any regrets over the mistake made.

2.6 You see, I don’t know. Nothing is certain, that is for sure. Life is unexpected, not everything can be explained. Accept that some things are beyond your control. Who knows what will happen in the future? Who knows?

2.7 Don’t worry, be happy. One thing is certain. Worrying over your problems will lead to more problems. Whether you worry or not worry, things will still proceed in the same way that it was meant to. Frustration and anxiety is like paying interest upfront on a loan, without having received the principal sum yet. There will definitely be rainy days, but that doesn’t give you a reason to open an umbrella in the bright sunshine. If you are not even afraid of the end of the world, then what’s there to be afraid of?

Part 3 – Learn to see the imperfections in life, don’t strive to be perfect

3.1 After seeing the chicken’s excretions, you forget the chicken egg. Unhappy people always recall unhappy moments in their lives. People usually strive for improvement, some to the point of perfection. Don’t keep trying to pick on others’ weaknesses and find fault with others. Learn to capture the positive moments.

3.2 Your evil heart. Striving for perfection can lead to frustration and despair. Don’t become obsessed with perfection. Perfection is also relative, depending on one’s expectations and desires. Mistakes can be a form of ‘beauty’ as well.

3.3 Tug at the heart strings. Once you come up with one side of the story, your mind will automatically consider the other side of the story. Sometimes the other side of the story is simply not present; one just imagines it to be so. Learn to accept others’ weaknesses and avoid judging them too quickly. Only by learning to forgive and forget, will one learn about compassion and empathy.

3.4 Who does the true problem lie with? Refrain from pushing the blame to someone. Learn to take responsibility sometimes. Learn to accept that some things are beyond your control and therefore, there is nothing to be upset about. Ever considered the fact that you might be the one having the problem instead? Whether a problem with a person/situation exist completely depends on your point of view.

3.5 This is life. Anticipate problems/obstacles in life so that you won’t feel so disappointed when they eventually hit you. Change is constant. Life is full of ups and downs. Accept that in order to lead a more complete and fulfilling life. The more you are able to accept life’s challenges, the more you are able to turn sorrow into happiness. Accept things the way they are.

3.6 Some things are beyond our control. You can give suggestions on how others should change/behave etc, but you can’t really change them. Therefore, how a third party reacts or says is beyond our control. The problems in life can be divided into those which we have control over and those which we have no control over. You have control over your actions. Ask yourself, ‘What more can I do?’ In conclusion, just do your best and leave the rest up to fate. You cannot control others’ actions, but you can control your way of thinking.

‘You cannot control the daily temperature, but you can control the mood of the surroundings. You cannot control your looks/appearance, but you can control your facial expressions. You cannot control how long you live, but you can control how you want to lead your life.’

3.7 It’s all about changing your perception. Withstand the bitter cold winter and blazing hot summer. Whether a situation is viewed positively or negatively, it all depends on your perception. Happiness does not stem from external events, because they will never forever stay the way we wish.

Part 4 – Desires bring short term happiness ; Strive for long term happiness

4.1 Imagining happiness is not true happiness. Often, we are unhappy when things don’t go the way we anticipate them to go. Unhappiness is caused when we try to how a situation will end up and then compare the results with reality. Even if things don’t go as planned, try to see how other objectives (such as getting together with friends) may be achieved. The least you expect, the less unhappy you will be.

4.2 Plenty of wishes from the heart. It is hard for others to meet your expectations if they are not well communicated. No one agreed or has an obligation to meet your expectations/demands. On what basis do others have to meet your expectations? It is hard to predict the feelings and emotions of others.

4.3 A little less love will lead to a lot less problems. Once you love someone, you will try your best to change them. However, changing someone is different from love. Try to understand where the other person is coming from, like their point of view etc. If you don’t change, then you will eventually see the real change. Everyone has their freedom of expression etc. Therefore, it may not be very right to attempt to change them. Accommodation is a very powerful tool indeed. There is a type of love, which is to love the way the person currently is. ‘I like you just the way you are’.

4.4 Wrong to treat challenges and troubles as happiness. Life is originally meant to be happy. Live for the moment. Enjoy while you can. Future happiness doesn’t count for anything as it is impossible to predict the future. Happiness can be unconditional. Ultimately, happiness is a decision, a choice.

4.5 How short lived is your satisfaction? People always have bigger and bigger dreams. Often, material goods can only lead to short term happiness. To attempt to continuously satisfy your desires is like self-inflicting trouble. Separate and distinguish long term goals from short term wants/desires. Desires can only bring short term happiness.

4.6 Fish are the last to see the water. The more you have, the more you take things for granted. Learn to appreciate what you already have. When you become less happy, reflect and consider whether it could be due to your never ending desires. Are you fortunate enough?

4.7 Life’s small treasures. It is not necessary to win big prizes/awards, winning many small ones along the way can help. Actually, life’s small treasures are all around you. Appreciating nature is an example. Fortune is not based on material needs but more of an emotional need. Life is indeed very beautiful, just that in areas you don’t normally realize.

Part 5 – Most troubles are short lived

5.1 The more you do, the less you live. It is normal to be busy and aim to pursue a lot in life. However, a too fast paced life has its problems, such as stress, anxiety etc. Life is like a book. If life is too fast, it is hard to appreciate the beauty of the surroundings. One can lose sight of the journey when too focused on the outcome.

5.2 Missing out on appreciating the journey is a sheer waste. Enjoy the process. Don’t just be fixed on the outcome. Some things come naturally. There is no need to seek it intentionally. A truly happy person will enjoy the entire process and feel happy throughout the entire journey, not just at the ending. Time spent in life is approximately 98% of the time on a journey and 2% at the destination. Therefore, being happy at the destination is definitely very short lived.

5.3 What exactly do you want? You need to know how to make use of what you have for yourself, if not it will go to waste. It is important to know what the outcomes you want are. Why are you living? What is your purpose in life? Most people seek happiness and chase it. Chasing is the means, happiness is the goal.

5.4 What are you doing now? Why and how do you live in the present moment? Why are you here? Is your heart rooted for this place? Channel all your energies into one task at a time, do not be sloppy or half-hearted in your approach.

5.5 Hate delaying and procrastinating. Do the things that matter now. The future is unpredictable and it might not be possible to do what you want next time. Live life to the fullest at every moment. There is no return ticket in life. You only live once. Time and tide wait for no man.

5.6 Live everyday like it is your last. Near death experiences can bring about great change. Don’t wait till it’s too late. Ideally you would like to tell others that you have lived your life to the fullest. You never know when it’s your last goodbye.

5.7 Imagine your last farewell. Before you do anything, you should always have the end in mind. Try to imagine at your funeral, how will your friends view you as a person? Or what eulogy will you get?. What difference have you made to the world? Has the world become a better place with you around? How would I want others to view me after I die?

Part 6 – If you are feeling really tired, take a step back

6.1 You are also a tourist. We can’t own anything forever. Therefore, in some way, we are always tourists. Objects last forever, humans don’t. Don’t keep thinking that something belongs to you forever. You can use the objects you own, but eventually, you will not be able to take them with you. Learn to let go. Start giving more to others. You can’t take anything away, other than your spirit.

6.2 The moment you let go, you will feel at peace. Once we set expectations or aims for ourselves, we become ‘tied’ or trapped in the pursuit of getting it. Achieving your objective is a moment of happiness, letting go and accepting is a lifetime of happiness. You must believe that life still goes on even though you do not meet your objectives. Don’t take small matters to heart.

6.3 It’s all in the mind. Problems/Troubles are self-created. Misfortunate can be in the form of external events. However, troubles are self-created. Sick people can feel happy. It all depends on their state of mind and how positive their outlook towards life is.

6.4 It will be good as long as you learn how to let go.Why do some people choose to remember unpleasant experiences and thoughts? Tired is when your mind keeps thinking about a certain issue, which you can’t get out of your head. Your thoughts and feelings are not forever with you. You can choose to let them go. Life is like watching a television. During the difficult moments, switch channel fast. This will prevent you from thinking about the turbulent and tumultuous times.

6.5 Are you tired and drawn-out? Have you thought of how much burden are you carrying on your back? Can these be put aside? The heavier your burden, the more tired you will feel. What are you going to let go and sacrifice? What are your priorities? The more you own/have, the larger your burden to maintain and keep them. Fulfilling desires are just material wants; the true wisdom comes when you learn that you can do without all these desires.

6.6 When you’re gone. What will the world be like when you’re gone? Without you, everything will proceed as normal. Once in a while, opt to disappear. You will realize that you will start appreciating the people around you more. There are no certainties in life. Don’t take things for granted.

6.7 Relax and unwind. It’s never too learn to turn over a new leaf and change. You will be better off if you realize that human desires are often never ending. Life is dynamic, with never a dull moment. Relaxing will give you freedom, letting go will give you liberation; knowing what to let go and when to relax is the attainment of true intelligence. Happiness is definitely your call!

11Nov2014

Life quotes 251 to 300

Posted in Motivational Quotes by marcuschanco87

251. ‘Many people fail to make important changes – changes that could significantly enhance their lives – because they’re unwilling to accept the discomfort that accompanies change. For example, you may avoid changing to a more meaningful career because you don’t want the discomfort of starting from scratch. Or you may avoid asking someone on a date because you don’t want to risk rejection.’ Russ Harris (The Happiness Trap)

252. ‘If you could somehow listen in your own funeral and the people you most care about were there, what sort of things would you love to hear them say about you? What would you like them to think about the role you played in their lives?’ Russ Harris (The Happiness Trap)

253. ‘Life gives most to those who make the most of what life gives.’ Russ Harris (The Happiness Trap)

254. ‘If you don’t decide where you’re going, you’ll end up wherever you’re heading.’ Ancient Eastern saying (on why it is important to have a direction in life)

255. ‘There is something about the pace of walking and the pace of thinking that goes together. Walking requires a certain amount of attention but it leaves great parts of the time open to thinking. I do believe once you get the blood flowing through the brain it does start working more creatively.’ Geoff Nicholson

256. ‘And most of all, stop worrying about your happiness. Happiness does not come from a job. It comes from knowing what you truly value, and behaving in a way that’s consistent with those beliefs.’ Mike Rowe

257. ‘To get an education, you must jump through many hoops. Some are ultra-competitive. Others require perfect timing. Many will seem unreachable, at first. There will be moments of boredom. You will be burned. And even embarrassed. But often, your imagination will be sparked. With luck and coordination, you will reach the final hoop. And arrive at a place where hoops are scarcely seen. Should you stop jumping? No! You must create your own hoops.’ Unknown

258. ‘Life is linear. Life is circular. Life spirals out of control. Life is beautiful and precious. Life is nasty, brutish and short. Life is an illusion, man. Life is full of surprises. What is the meaning of life? That’s up to you! Life has value. Life is ephemeral. What comes after life? Life has elegant patterns and rules. When you think you have a grasp on life, life begins anew.’

259. ‘Anticipation of a newborn: We have taken all the classes. We have read all the books. We have carefully chosen a name. We have prepared a room. We have filled it with stuff. We have a place for everything. We have a plan. We are ready. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WE ARE DOING! Things are about to get interesting.’ Unknown

260. ‘Good ideas and bad ideas look very similar. But they behave quite differently. Look, a new one! Try to classify it and you’ll kill it. Which kind is it? The only way to find out is to chase it! It will take you to unfamiliar places, require increasingly complex plans and may elude you completely. Was it worth chasing? Only you can decide.’ Unknown

261. ‘Behind every great novelist is childhood trauma. Miserable Job. Moments of self-discovery. Episode of debauchery. Pathologic ambition. Loyal pet. Neglected spouse. Personal demons. Years of boring hard work.’ Unknown

262. ‘The truth is there is no simple way or single answer to ageing well. It really is a complex combination of lifestyle factors and of course good diet and exercise. Broadly speaking unpicking the Japanese lifestyle – a diet with plenty of fish and vegetables, a focus on yoga and other strengthening exercises, less smoking and drinking than the Western world – seems to do the trick.’ Prof Lynn Corner

263. ‘I think your age is just a number. It’s not your birthday, it’s how you age which makes the difference. It’s your attitude to all the things that happen in your life that plays the biggest part.’ Olga Kotelko, 95yrs old

264. ‘Studies have shown people to be generally bad, when single, at predicting what later turn out to be their actual relationship preferences…this shouldn’t be a surprise – in life, you usually don’t get good at something until you’ve done it a bunch of times. Unfortunately, not many people have a chance to be in more than a few, if any, serious relationships before they make their big decision.’ Tim Urban (waitbutwhy blog)

265. ‘More and more research on ageing shows the more friends you have when you are 50-60 years old, the less likely you are to be isolated in later life. And the less isolated you are, the less likely you are to be frail as the years go by.’ Dr. Carol Holland

266. ‘In other words, you have this limited amount of time on Earth and you really want to create a life where you’re happy. And if how you utilize time is not making you happy, it should only be because you’re using it to make the future better, either for yourself or for others. In the ideal situation, you’re well balanced between 1) enjoying your time and 2) building a brighter future for yourself or for others and you’re often able to accomplish both simultaneously (like those times when you love your job). Tim Urban (waitbutwhy blog)

267. Emma to Adèle: ‘But I have infinite tenderness for you. I always will. All my life long.’ Blue Is the Warmest Colour –

268. ‘In a learning environment, a common cause of boredom is lack of understanding; for instance, if one is not following or connecting to the material in a class or lecture, it will usually seem boring. However, the opposite can also be true; something that is too easily understood, simple or transparent, can also be boring.

269. ”The problems caused by living against the body clock (lack of sleep, shift work etc) may be less sexy than the countless “this or that causes cancer stories” it is none-the-less a major problem for society. You might not notice any short-term changes in your health following circadian disruption, but over a long period of time, the consequences could be quite severe.’ Prof Andrew Loudon

270. ‘We are the supremely arrogant species; we feel we can abandon four billion years of evolution and ignore the fact that we have evolved under a light-dark cycle. What we do as a species, perhaps uniquely, is override the clock (lack of sleep, shift work etc). And long-term acting against the clock can lead to serious health problems.’ Prof Russell Foster

271. ‘One of the things that I feel very strongly, and that my mother’s suicide and my brother’s suicide make me feel deeply was to live well. To do the best I can with what I am. So that in a way I do them justice – somebody has to make it worthwhile, somebody has to try. Otherwise what’s it for?’ Freida Hughes

272. ‘Dr. King taught that every life is marked by dimensions of length, breadth and height. Length refers to self-love, breadth to the community and care of others, and height to the transcendent, to something larger than oneself.’ Gordon Marino

273. ‘Every achievement can be converted into a measure in time. Want to write a novel? You’ll probably need 400 hours. Learn the piano to a high standard? A couple thousand. Earn a billion dollars? Think 40,000 or more (and quite a bit of luck, but time can buy you that too).’ Oliver Emberton

274. ‘You know how anyone can be anything they want, right? Well, they can’t. Had Bill Gates been born in a different time – or just a different town – he might have spent his days as an illiterate peasant scooping up potatoes with his hands. Circumstances matter.

275. Work you don’t love. You’re paid pretty well, but you’re unhappy. Your job is a necessary burden, your dreams are fading and you’re trapped by the need to not fall off your own treadmill. You spend your earnings trying to find happiness.

276. Work you’re not rewarded for. You feel wasted, unappreciated, undiscovered. You’re frustrated by people around you who have less talent but infinitely more success. Life is unfair, and you’re tired of waiting for someone else to come to your rescue.

277. Work you’re no good at. You desperately want to succeed at what you’re doing, but you can’t seem to compete. You feel increasingly inadequate and desperate.

278. ‘If what you’re seeking is short-term rewards there’s no way you’d choose teaching in the Mississippi Delta over working at Goldman Sachs but there’s something calling people to do work they find meaningful.’ Kevin Roose

279. ‘Parents and carers should know that even focusing on something simple will make children less aware of their surroundings, compared to adults. For example, a child trying to zip up their coat while crossing the road may not be able to notice oncoming traffic, whereas a developed adult mind would have no problem with this. The capacity for awareness outside the focus of attention develops with age, so younger children are at higher risk of inattentional blindness.’ Prof Nilli Lavie

280. ‘When you’re sleep-deprived I imagine it’s quite similar to having taken certain drugs. The logical side of your brain is slowly withering away because there’s not enough energy to power it, and all these crazy ideas start happening that your brain would normally suppress. I find the brain a mystical beast. It’s so bizarre and interesting.’ Dave Bayley

281. It seems unfair some have good looks, but it is like a large bonus given then taken away progressively; better have no such bonus at all.’ Nassim Nicholas Taleb

282. ‘When people are juggling time, they are doing something very similar to when they’re juggling finances. It is all scarcity juggling. You borrow from tomorrow, and tomorrow you have less time than you have today, and tomorrow becomes more costly. It’s a very costly loan.’ Eldar Shafir

283. ‘Tinder’s (app to know people) side-swiping pickiness reduces us to Henry VIII, poring over flattering portraits of young European princesses and then stamping his foot when the original fails to impress. It makes chattels of us all.’ Harriet Walker

284. ‘I ask people what is happening with conversation and they tell me: “What is wrong is it takes place in real-time and you can’t control what you are going to say.” What they mean by that is that they’d rather have control and be able to do their little side of the conversation when they are relaxed, when they can edit and also, they sort of want to broadcast their little side of the conversation.’ Sheryl Turkle

285. ‘Texting and talking at the same time is so rude. It’s like me having a conversation with you and a completely different conversation with somebody else – totally ignoring you – coming back to you when I felt like it.’ Diana Mather

286. ‘Here’s a list of some examples of the kinds of things other people don’t give a shit about: how fat you are, if you are in a relationship, your career prospects, your outfit, what your home looks like. Nobody’s keeping score of those things except you (try not to). Avoid people who make a virtue of their unwillingness or inability to edit themselves to spare the feelings of others.’ Lauren Laverne

287. ‘Never buy anything to impress someone you don’t know. Never wear a T-shirt with a face on it that’s more attractive than yours.’ Lauren Laverne

288. ‘When talking to someone you like, don’t be nonchalant. Be complimentary. Everyone likes compliments, except dickheads, and it’s usually politic to identify them as quickly as possible.’ Lauren Laverne

289. ‘We are now faced with the fact, my friends, that tomorrow is today. We are confronted with the fierce urgency of now. In this unfolding conundrum of life and history, there is such a thing as being too late. Procrastination is still the thief of time. Life often leaves us standing bare, naked and dejected with a lost opportunity. The tide in the affairs of men does not remain at flood – it ebbs. We may cry out desperately for time to pause in her passage, but time is adamant to every plea and rushes on. Over the bleached bones and jumbled residues of numerous civilizations are written the pathetic words, “Too late.” – Martin Luther King Jr

290. ‘The value of a great quote does lie in the fact that it contains a world of wisdom, wisdom that may have taken the author many years to arrive at, in a line or two.’ Robin Sharma (Life Lessons from the Monk who sold his Ferrari)

291. Researchers here have found people don’t just walk more slowly when they’re on smartphones, their field of vision is reduced to 5% of what it should be.

292. ‘Last year researchers at the Chinese University of Hong Kong and Northwestern University in Illinois hypothesized that language study should prove beneficial for older adults, noting that the cognitive tasks involved — including working memory, inductive reasoning, sound discrimination and task switching — map closely to the areas of the brain that are most associated with declines due to aging.’ William Alexander

293. ‘There’s a secret that wannabe writers don’t, and the secret is this: It’s not the writing part that’s hard. What’s hard is sitting down to write. What keeps us from sitting down is Resistance.’ Steven Pressfield

294. ‘These are not easy questions. Who am I? Why am I here? They’re not easy because the human being isn’t wired to function as an individual. We’re wired tribally, to act as part of a group.’ Steven Pressfield

295. ‘Fear is good. Like self-doubt, fear is an indicator. Fear tells us what we have to do. Remember our rule of thumb: The more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.’ Steven Pressfield

296. ‘The professional has learned that success, like happiness, comes as a by-product of work. The professional concentrates on the work and allows rewards to come or not come, whatever they like.’ Steven Pressfield

297. ‘Do you understand? I hadn’t written anything good. It might be years before I would, if I ever did at all. That didn’t matter. What counted was that I had, after years of running from it, actually sat down and done my work.’ Steven Pressfield

298. ‘Seeking support from friends and family is like having your people gathered around at your deathbed. It’s nice, but when the ship sails, all they can do is stand on the dock waving goodbye.’ Steven Pressfield

299. ‘I’m keenly aware of the Principle of Priority, which states (a) you must know the difference between what is urgent and what is important, and (b) you must do what’s important first.’ Steven Pressfield

300. ‘To clarify a point about professionalism: The professional, though he accepts money, does the work out of love. He has to love it. Otherwise, he wouldn’t devote his life to it of his own free will.’ Steven Pressfield

5Nov2014

50 Lessons for Life’s Little Detours by Regina Brett

Posted in Self-Improvement by marcuschanco87

The author read about Ray Bradbury’s book ‘Dandelion Wine’. Some folk arrive in this world fragile. Like tender fruit, they bruise easier, cry more often, and turn sad young. The author had cancer at age 41. Her book has been a huge success. Once you had cancer, there are not much worst things that can happen to you. She only graduated from college at age 30.

Life Isn’t Fair, but It’s Still Good. Bruce is my encouraging and lovely husband. Instead of saying ‘I have to go to work’, say ‘I get to go to work’. When I underwent chemotherapy, I bought an awesome cap that said ‘Life is good’. It was the Chemo Hat. I passed it on to others and managed to inspire many other cancer victims. Keep going no matter what.

When in doubt, just take the next right step. Don’t hesitate for too long. Panophobia is the fear of everything. I relied on alcohol during my high school days. Just do the next right thing. My life during the 20ss was screwed up with many mishaps and switching of majors in school. I was pregnant at 21. The more you wait, you more scared you will be to make a decision. You don’t need to plan that much to get very far. Take one small step and then things will be a lot easier.

You never see further than your headlights when you drive, but you can make the whole trip that way. – E. L. Doctorow

Every so often some expert calculates how much it costs to raise a child. It’s in the six figure range. The money doesn’t scare away would-be parents away, but if someone calculated all the time and energy it took to raise a child, the human race would become extinct. – Regina Brett

Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. For some, forgiveness is tough. To some, it is easy and graceful. Living life with resentment only leads to futility and unhappiness. Even if you don’t mean well, just go and pray for the person with all your heart. If you want to be free, set others free first. Free yourself and it will lead to happiness.

Don’t take yourself seriously. No one else does. I used to be a perfectionist in everything I do. Lighten up and don’t be too hard on yourself. A small mistake wouldn’t kill anyone. If you think you are that important, you wouldn’t dare to delegate any tasks. Slow down or you may embarrass yourself especially if you dress too quickly.

Pay off your credit cards every month. Learn to distinguish needs from wants. The credit card late charges are tremendous and you will pay the price if you do not settle on time. The interest charges will kill you too. Money problems have nothing to do with money but your attitude towards it. Learn to pay off your bills as soon as they are incurred. Save on the small items and it all adds up in the end.

Living an abundant life starts with knowing that what you want isn’t always want you need, and often isn’t even what you truly want. It starts with making smart choices that lead to long-term gratification. – Regina Brett

You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to Disagree. My husband will be the one who surrenders once in a while and doesn’t want to argue with me. You can’t win every argument. Sometimes, no one has to be right or wrong in an argument. Marriage is not easy and there will be bound to be disagreements.

Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone. There is no need to try and hold back the tears. Most of us are told that crying is a sign of weakness. Crying in the open is socially unacceptable. Tears were an asset because it is intense. Cry with someone so as to heal yourself. It takes a strong person to cry in the open.

It’s Okay to Get Angry with God. He Can Take It. Forgive God for all the bad things he has done and similarly he will forgive you. Make peace with each other. I don’t have to understand God to believe in God. It is alright to be angry at God once in a while. Let it out and things will feel better after that. God wants an intimate talk with us too.

The Most Important Sex Organ is the brain. I was a wounded woman for a while and didn’t want to meet new men. However, I met Bruce and I was very impressed by him. Choose a life partner. There will be times when people will hurt you, reject and abandon you. We were very open towards each other’s feelings. Bruce said that friendship came first, sex was secondary. Sex should never be done to please someone. Your brain is the actual organ that stimulates sex.

God never gives us more than we were designed to carry. If you have many difficulties, you were designed to bear them. My uncle took care of 6 kids himself after my aunt passed away. He never complained about it at all. Continue staying as a child and don’t grow up. Brett was a down syndrome kid that uncle took care of. When Brett passed away, uncle said this ‘People always told us we were a great gift to Brett. It was the other way around. He was a great gift to us.’ It is a gift to carry the sky.

Make Peace with your Past So It Doesn’t Screw up the Present. Something happening in your present can jolt your memory of your past. Childhood injuries can stay with you. Adults with difficult pasts can suffer from post-traumatic stress. My dad used to scream at me a lot in my childhood. Learn to recognize whenever you’re stuck. Freeze the moment and realize you can change the present. ‘How will I ever believe that I’m good enough?’ ‘By helping others believe that they are good enough.’

It’s Okay to let your children see you cry. Dad wasn’t used to crying. Crying means you’re human. Crying means something has touched your life.

Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is about. It took me a long time to understand the concept of a vocation. I took up many odd jobs in my life. You can learn from your past jobs and find that it will all be useful. Fake it till you make it. No one feels completely secure. Mistakes won’t end your life. They change our life.

We are all in this world for something greater than self. We each have a mission, an assignment, a calling, a vocation that is ours and ours alone. – Regina Brett

It took decades to end up as a writer doing what I love. All the time I looked around me comparing my insides to everyone else’s insides. I wanted what others had simply because I didn’t have it. They all had it so much easier, I whined. I wanted their lives. They looked so much better than mine. – Regina Brett

It doesn’t matter what has happened to you, it matters what you do with what has happened to you. Life is like a poker game. You don’t get to choose the cards you are dealt, but it’s entirely up to you how to play the hand. – Regina Brett

We’re all scared that we’re doing it wrong, that people don’t like us, that we’ll never be smart enough, good enough, successful enough, attractive enough. Don’t fight it. Make it roller-coaster scary. Enjoy the bumps, the wild turns, the ups and the downs, the almost-lost-my-lunch lurches. – Regina Brett

If a relationship has to kept secret, you shouldn’t be in it. I used to be someone’s secret dish and it turns out he had a finance. I went into therapy for a while. I ended up picking men who weren’t available because I was afraid that new men wouldn’t last the distance anyway. Never be in a secret relationship. Now I live life with the few pointers: 1) Stay away from unavailable men; 2) Keep no secrets; 3) Beware of addictions; 4) Be the real deal; 5) Tell the world what you want in a partner; 6) Ignore the wrapper; 7) Create a greater you. Do not write people off just because of their looks.

Create a life that is so good, it doesn’t matter if anyone comes along. Say yes to every opportunity to make new friends, meet new people, try new adventures. Get busy living the life of your dreams instead of looking for the man or woman of your dreams….Instead of looking for the right partner, become the right man or woman…for you. Be your best, deepest, truest self. Make yourself attractive to you. – Regina Brett

Everything can Change in a Blink of an Eye. But Don’t Worry; God never blinks. Can people see between blinks. See with the vision of faith. Attach yourself to God and to love. There is no darkness that is so dark that the light of a single candle cannot pierce it.

Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying. Hope is crucial for mankind. Either take your life or set yourself free. When you’re in a rut, faster get out before it turns into a grave. The biggest thing is to instil hope. Shawshank Redemption is a great show. It’s time to get busy living.

You can get through anything life hands you if you stay put in the day you are in and don’t jump ahead. Create a dreamboard for your future. Cancer isn’t that bad. It’s your attitude that is bad. Do not dread the future and the days that you were sick. It took discipline to ignore the calendar. Just live in the present. You don’t have to think of your past or present, just think of the present.

A writer is someone who writes, if you want to be a writer, write. Divide your project into small pieces. Bird by bird. Finish one short story. Tell the stories in your own voice. The stories are always inside you. There is no need to be hard on yourself or keep preparing. Do not keep procrastinating.

It’s never too late to have a happy childhood but the second one is up to you and no one else. To heal yourself, give yourself a new childhood. Arrange a playdate with yourself. Stumble upon one hour of fun each week. Play with Lego, for instance. Have fun for once in your life and do something damn kiddy.

When It Comes to Going After What you Love in Life, Don’t take no for an answer. My writing was heavily criticized in University. I got rejected after school as I wanted to be a journalist but couldn’t find openings. I finally said yes to a local small newspaper. It was the job that I dreamt of. Later on, I got rejected as I wanted to start my own column. There is no such thing as a no. Find a way to get a yes. Don’t take no for an answer and keep shoveling. Eventually I was a columnist.

Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save anything for a special occasion. Today is special enough. Be more spontaneous in your everyday life. Cancer is a great wake-up call. Every time I look at my scar, it reminds me that I can’t live forever. Use all the writing tools you have and at this moment. It’s never too late to publish a book. Life is too short to do anything boring. Don’t trade your hours for something you don’t like. Say no if you have to. Use the 3 steps to change your life. 1) Choose the one thing you need to say to; 2) Choose one thing you need and want to say yes to; 3) Share these two things – that yes and that no – with your biggest cheerleader.

Overprepare, then go with the flow. Praying might cause the fear to go away. Approach every situation by preparing more than others. The more homework you do, the smarter you will become. Overprepare and it helps you to gain confidence. Believe that you can help others.

Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple. If you’re going to go, go all out. Don’t hold back. It would be boring to be sensible all the time. Wear outlandish colours. Carry a Charlie brown lunch box to school. Being normal is easier, but less fun. If you’re weird, you give the world texture. We are all miracles of a life force. Shout in the Universe and make a difference.

Start saving for retirement as soon as you get your first paycheck. All along when I was a columnist, I thought money was evil. Only when older, I realized the power of compounding. The earlier you save, the better. This is because of the compounding effect. Use 10% of your income for investments and never touch it again.

No one is in charge of your happiness. You are the CEO of your joy. It is usual that people or your loved ones will buy you gifts which you don’t need or like. Focus your energy on yourself and designing your own life. No more is responsible for your happiness. It’s all up to you. Choose happiness whenever you can. Pamper yourself. Take a nap if you want to. Create a sanctuary for yourself. Do the stuff you truly like.

Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In Five Years, Will This Matter?’ The answer is mostly no. Do not agonize over the small stuff in life. Do not panic, things will usually turn out fine. The true measure of a man is how he rebounds after defeat. Honesty and integrity are very important life lessons.

Always choose life. Walden by Henry David Thoreau is a brilliant book. Choose life. I was shocked when I was pregnant at 21. People started judging me. Before you make a decision, ask yourself ‘What is the most life-enhancing choice to make?’ Do everything you can to keep yourself alive. Being an unwed mother at 21 was one of the best things that happened to me.

Forgive Everyone and Everything. It can be difficult to forgive others sometimes. I let my daughter be exposed to her true father. Let go of your past so that you can build a better future. Forgiveness is a process that starts with a clear decision.

What Other People Think of You Is None of Your Business. I often get insulted on my column. Be tough enough to handle it. Simply ignore the mean comments. Know your identity and you decide what to answer to. Everyone has a fragile ego. Humility is the key. Humility and the life of service to others. We can’t bring anything with us and we can’t take anything back. Create a personal mission statement.

The Passage of time heals almost everything. Give time time. Attending healing services might help a little.

No matter how good or bad a situation is, it will change. The key is not to cling on to any of them but let them pass. ‘This too shall pass’. Trust the flow of life and let it guide you. I encountered a white water rafting capsize and I clung on desperately to a rock. The advice I got was correct. I needed to let go of the rock and flow down the river naturally. Eventually, I reached calmer waters. Life is a wonderful journey and the key is to savour the ride.

Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick, but your friends will. Stay in touch with them. No one who has friends is a failure. My husband received many heartfelt notes during his birthday. That really touched him. If you have your friends and your health, you have everything you need.

Believe in Miracles. You need to have belief in yourself and not think like you’re a failure. That’s the key.

God loves you because of who god is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do. Focus on God’s mercy instead of his justice. It was his nature to love. It can’t be earned or lost.

Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger I didn’t let cancer get me down. Such events actually make you even stronger. I removed my breasts in a surgery and it felt so weird initially. It felt strange. Eventually, I got fake breasts that felt like silicone and fake at the start. Later, I did get used to them. You don’t need breasts to be a mother. Decide who you are and who you want to be.

Growing old beats the alternative. Dying young looks good only in the movies. The author presented 50 crazy things to do when you’re 50.

Your Children Get Only 1 childhood. Make it Memorable. Do not neglect your children’s wants. Focus on your children as they only have 1 childhood to remember. As your dating, you have your whole life to start dating. Full-time parenting really matters. You can have everything you want, but not everything at once.

Read the psalms. No matter what your faith, they cover every human emotion. It simply requires a soul to understand the psalms. They cover almost every topic. I need to be still and understand myself.

Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting for you to discover. After the 9/11 attacks, I was traumatised and couldn’t go out of the house. I decided to head to the woods and walk alone. That was what I did. To escape the world, take a hike alone. Explore nature and appreciate its beauty.

Those who dwell among the beauties and mysteries of the Earth are never alone or weary of life/ – Rachel Carson

If we all threw our problems in a pile and got a look at everyone else’s, we’d fight to get back our own. Do not borrow someone else’s life. Learn to realize that your problems are your greatest gifts. We are not appreciative of life until we have seen what others have been through. We are all broken, just in different ways. Wounds are your gifts.

Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of now. Help others and you will be remembered eventually. Every moment counts. Do not stay in the box that others have placed you in. Expect the best from people and see the good in them.

Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful. Give away stuff that you have used in like 5 years. Before you want to keep something, ask yourself the following questions: ‘Is it useful?’; ‘Is it beautiful?’; ‘Does it add meaning to your life now?’; ‘If this item were free at a garage sale, would you take it?’ De-cluttering helps you to forget the past. It makes room for the new hobbies in life. Let go of the person that you once were.

All that truly matters in the end is that you loved. Envy is a waste of time. You already have everything you truly need. Uncle Al really loved my aunt Chris deeply. Before he passed away, he admitted that he had a great life. Happiness is a choice. It’s your outlook in life that determines your happiness. Choose time over money. Make peace with the past. What do you need? Nothing. What do you have? Everything. Happiness isn’t getting what you want. It’s wanting what you have already.

Studies show that extra money will not make you extra happy. No one wants to be poor, but once basic needs for food, shelter, and education are met, the extra money you can spend doesn’t buy happiness. – Regina Brett

The best is yet to come. I always waited for mum to make the first move to love me. Accept the relationship you have. Make a gratitude list. Finally, I decided to write about mum. I thanked her for all the good things she did. Make a promise and show up.

No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, and show up for life. By 50, I started to sink. I usually turn to religious books or meditation books for help. A prayer is more than words. Avoid mean people at work. Don’t make decisions when you’re feeling down and out. Face the day vertically. Dressing up gives you hope. Do the best you can each day.

Breathe. It Calms the Mind. Chanting a mantra might reduce long-term health problems. Meditation is about being present. Listen to your breathing. Meditation, it turns out, makes you more awake.

If you don’t ask, you don’t get. Speaking up is one of the hardest thing to do. My husband, when he wants something, always asks for it. Sometimes, we don’t ask because we fear rejection. We experience feelings of guilt and fear. Usually, I was the opposite and didn’t have the courage to ask for what I wanted. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. Be daring to ask for a raise if you think you’re good enough.

Yield. Miracles do happen sometimes. Learn to believe in them. Help someone in need.

Life isn’t tied to a bow, but it’s still a gift. What is the secret to money, relationships and happiness You are what you think. Master your mind. Perform voluntary work. What can you do for others?. Put life into what you’re doing.

You attract everything that comes into your life by the thoughts you hold. You create your life with your thoughts. – Regina Brett

4Oct2014

Life quotes 101 to 150

Posted in Motivational Quotes by marcuschanco87

‘In fact, whenever you must learn a new skill or alter your career path later in life, you reconnect with that youthful, adventurous part of yourself.’ Robert Greene
‘We should take up hobbies – a game, a musical instrument, a foreign language – that brings pleasure but also offers us the chance to strengthen our memory capacities and the flexibility of our brain. In doing so, we can train ourselves to process large amounts of information without feeling anxious or overtaxed.’ Robert Greene
‘The best form of welfare is work, because the dignity that comes with work is very important. To be able to provide for your own family, to stand on your own two feet, I think there’s a value that comes from that that public assistance cannot replace.’ Tan Chuan Jin
‘If you go at your work with half a heart, it will show in the lackluster results and in the laggard way in which you reach the end.’ Robert Greene
‘I believe that if, at the end, according to our abilities, we have done something to make others a little happier, and something to make ourselves a little happier, that is about the best we can do.’ Roger Ebert
‘To make others less happy is a crime. To make ourselves unhappy is where all crime starts. We must try to contribute joy to the world. That is true no matter what our problems…our health…our circumstances…We must try. I didn’t always know this and am happy I lived long enough to find it out.’ Roger Ebert
‘In order to have a happy life, a rewarding life, you need to be active. So involvement is more important to happiness than meaning in the sense of the why, why we are here.’ Professor Veenhoven
‘It is not possible to have both the fishes’ fins and bears’ paws at the same time; This relates to the battle between ‘interest vs livelihood’. There are trade-offs to be made; One must learn to choose wisely; For only then life will be smooth (with help from google translate)
‘Two things define you. Your patience when you have nothing, and your attitude when you have everything.’ Anonymous
“I haven’t done a good job, I’ve done a good job in finding people who can do a better job than me in everything I ask them to do.” Will Butler-Adams, on the need for capable employees
“Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless like water. Now, if you put water in a cup, it becomes the cup. You put it in a teapot and it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or creep or drip or crash. Be water, my friend.” Bruce Lee
‘If you live with nine cats, you become desensitized to their scent. If you smoke cigarettes, it damages your olfactory capacities so much that you can’t smell smoke anymore.’ Charles Duhigg
‘Champions don’t do extraordinary things. They do ordinary things, but they do them without thinking, too fast for the other team to react. They follow the habits they’ve learned.’ Tony Dungy, an NFL coach
‘The problem is that your brain can’t tell the difference between bad and good habits, and so if you have a bad one, it’s always lurking there, waiting for the right cues and rewards.’ Ann Graybiel
‘Alcoholics crave a drink because it offers escape, relaxation, companionship, the blunting of anxieties, and an opportunity for emotional release. They might crave a cocktail to forget their worries. But they don’t necessarily crave feeling drunk (extracted from The Power of Habits, lol. Good to know. FYI)’ Charles Duhigg
‘There’s something really powerful about groups and shared experiences. People might be skeptical about their ability to change if they’re by themselves, but a group will convince them to suspend disbelief. A community creates belief.’ Lee Ann Kaskutas, on why Alcoholic Anonymous works
‘…But to change an old habit, you must address an old craving. You have to keep the same cues and rewards as before, and feed the craving by inserting a new routine.’ Charles Duhigg
‘In daily life, because triumph is made more visible than failure, you systematically overestimate your chances of succeeding…Behind every popular author you can find 100 other writers whose books will never sell. Behind them are another 100 who haven’t found publishers. Behind them are yet another 100 whose unfinished manuscripts gather dust in drawers.’ Rolf Dobelli
‘I wrote you a get well card. Get well! I hope you recover quickly from your shitty personality.’
The upgraded Out Of Office message: “Many thanks for your mail. Unfortunately I won’t be able to read it, as I am taking my annual email sabbatical. From August 1-29 all my emails will be automatically deleted. See you in September, Best Regards XX.”
‘This, then, is the real heart of education, that everyone appreciates there is a learning moment in every situation, in every decision we make, in every promise we pledge. Our Principals and teachers have a huge responsibility to help shape our students’ characters. Of course, parents play a most important role, so I ask parents to work together with our educators to give our children the best experiences and lessons to become outstanding young people of character. Because ultimately that is what is really at stake.’ Heng Swee Keat
“A-players hire people even better than themselves. It’s clear, though, that B-players hire C-players so they can feel superior to them and the C-players hire D-players. If you start hiring B-players, expect what Steve Jobs called ‘The Bozo Explosion’ to happen in your organization.” Guy Kawasaki
‘We face difficult choices: We need foreign workers to serve our economy and Singaporeans’ needs, and immigrants to make up for our shortfall of babies. But we also worry about crowding and congestion, and maintaining our Singaporean identity. So we are feeling our way forward carefully, conscious both of our needs and our limits, and seeking the best outcome for Singaporeans.’ Lee Hsien Loong
‘Why you shouldn’t read news: 1) journalists like to sensationalize or distort news; 2) most is irrelevant as they do not aid your career or business; 3) reading it is a waste of time; 4) the time could be used for other things, like working; 5) if news were that crucial, why aren’t journalists the richest people on earth?’ Rolf Dobelli (The Art of Thinking Clearly)
‘We seldom forget uncompleted tasks; they persist in our consciousness and do not let up, tugging at us like little children, until we give them our attention. On the other hand, once we’ve completed a task and checked it off our mental list, it is erased from memory.’ Rolf Dobelli, on the Zeigarnik Effect
‘We want to encourage more young people to build a better world, and a better Singapore. You are our future, you’re idealistic, full of energy and passion. Go forth, change Singapore, change the world, for the better.’ Lee Hsien Loong (National Day Rally 2013)
‘Life is random and fucked-up and arbitrary, until you find someone who can make sense of it all for you— if only temporarily.’ Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
‘I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the colour of their skin but by the content of their character.’ Martin Luther King
‘We really do it because we love growing food and connecting with the community. The income is secondary.’ Karen Sommerlad
‘By giving young Singaporeans an opportunity to volunteer, they’ll discover for themselves the vicissitudes of life, the difficulties of life.’ Vivian Balakrishnan, on the new Volunteer Youth Corps initiative
The study concludes that those in poverty, by having more constant and extensive financial worries, expend more of their mental capacity on these concerns, so that less can be used for other tasks.
‘And every analysis of what makes lucky and happy people lucky and happy demonstrates they adapt fast and well to new situations and people, and so are defended by complex social circles and acclimatised to change. They offer and request help and are free to embrace what’s positive in life’s inevitable alterations. They don’t try to impose stillness on a universe which is in motion. They know real security involves a degree of exposure.’ Al Kennedy
‘Our intuition doesn’t like change either, but we can overcome it. Approaching the changing reality of reality with sensible flexibility is the best strategy for happiness. I don’t believe it, but it’s true. And if I can change my mind, I can change anything else I need to.’ Al Kennedy
‘I’ve since come to realise that monetary reward is just one factor that determines whether you like your job or not. The nature of the work – whether it interests and engages you – matters a lot. So do the environment you work in, how far your office is from your home, and your colleagues.’ Sumiko Tan
‘If you’re the sort who finds fault in everything, even the most prestigious job title, generous salary letter and grand office will never satisfy you.’ Sumiko Tan
‘When we’re out on weekends and we see foreign workers on lorries, I always say how sorry I feel for them and how they must be hating their jobs. Not necessarily, H tells me. How do you know they don’t like manual work, or aren’t enjoying the wind on their faces as they travel at the back of the lorry?’ Sumiko Tan
‘Since meeting H (her husband who is an electrician), I’ve also realised that your attitude to your job ultimately has to do with yourself.’ Sumiko Tan
‘Building resilience isn’t about blind optimism. Rather than looking only on the bright side and pushing away negative emotions, resilient people let themselves experience what they’re feeling in any given situation, whether it’s good or bad.’ Barbara Fredrickson
‘One of the things about women and motherhood is that we are basically socialised from the moment we are born into the expectation that we will have children. If you don’t you have to provide an explanation.’ Tina Miller
‘No-one can tell you what it’s like to be a parent. Nothing can prepare you for that. If you aren’t a parent yourself you can have ideas yourself but you can’t know.’ Tina Miller
‘If you worship money and things, if they are where you tap real meaning in life, then you will never have enough, never feel you have enough. It’s the truth. Worship your body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly. And when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally grieve you.’ David Foster Wallace
‘Worship power, you will end up feeling weak and afraid, and you will need ever more power over others to numb you to your own fear. Worship your intellect, being seen as smart, you will end up feeling stupid, a fraud, always on the verge of being found out. But the insidious thing about these forms of worship is not that they’re evil or sinful, it’s that they’re unconscious. They are default settings.’ David Foster Wallace
‘The really important kind of freedom involves attention and awareness and discipline, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice over and over in myriad petty, unsexy ways every day.’ David Foster Wallace
”Lack of sleep has also been shown to increase our urge to snack between meals and causes us to excessively season our food, eat fewer vegetables, buy more junk food and buy more food overall.’ Dr Neil Stanley
‘When you were born you were crying and everyone else was smiling. Live your life so that at the end, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone else is crying.’ Ralph Waldo Emerson
‘The credit belongs to the man in the arena whose face is marred by the dust and sweat and blood who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotions and spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who, at worst, if he fails…at least fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.’ Theodore Roosevelt
‘Far better it seems to me, in our vulnerability is to look death in the eye and to be grateful for each day for the brief magnificent opportunity that life provides.’ Carl Sagan
‘Your holiness, what surprises you most about humanity? Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money, then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future than he does not enjoy the present.’ Dalai Lama
‘Be careful what you water your dreams with, water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to turn a problem into an opportunity for success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your dream.’ Lao Tzu
‘If we listened to our intellect we’d never have a love affair. We’d never have a friendship, we’d be cynical. You’re going to miss life. You’ve got to jump off the cliff all the time and build your wings on the way down.’ Ray Bradbury

1Jul2014

Motivational Quotes 101 – 150

Posted in Motivational Quotes by marcuschanco87

101. ‘Don’t wish away the week to get to the weekend, you end up wishing away your entire life that way. If you dislike your job so much that you do wish away they week then you need to find something else to do. This is not a call to go in on Monday and scream “I quit” but instead start working on a plan to make a change even if it takes months or years. You will eventually get to where you want to be and even just the process of getting there can relieve whatever negative feelings you take from the job you are trying to change.’ (extracted from a blog)

102. ‘People are more likely to take up an exercise routine if they set a cue, like running right after getting home from work; at a specific time of the day etc and rewarding themselves like watching a TV show, surfing the net, eating comfort food etc.’ Charles Duhigg (The Power of Habit)

103. ‘Attempts to give up snacking will often fail unless there’s a new routine to satisfy old cues and reward urges. A smoker usually can’t quit unless he finds some activity to replace cigarettes when his nicotine craving is triggered.’ Charles Duhigg (The Power of Habit)

104. ‘It wasn’t God that mattered. It was belief itself that made a difference. Once people learned how to believe in something, that skill started spilling to other parts of their lives, until they started believing they could change.’ Charles Duhigg, on how to overcome stressful events and bad habits

105. ‘If you want to do something that requires willpower – like going for a run after work – you have to conserve your willpower muscle during the day. If you use up too much of it at work, all the strength will be gone by the time you get home.’ Mark Muraven

106. ‘I’ve been really lucky, and I really, genuinely believe that if you tell people that they have what it takes to succeed, they’ll prove you right.’ Howard Schultz, founder of Starbucks

107. ‘The motto I have always lived by in life is to be passionate in whatever you do – don’t do things half-heartedly. Passion will be the fuel to carry you through and help you overcome most of the challenges you will face in life’s journey, be it in work, family or other areas. Learn to enjoy and smell the roses along life’s journey.’ Audit Partner

108. ‘If you are seeking a partner, never go out in the company of your supermodel friends. People will find you less attractive than you really are. Go alone or, better yet, take two ugly friends.’ Rolf Dobelli

109. ‘That’s why signing kids up for piano lessons or sports are so important. It has nothing to do with creating a good musician or a 5 year old soccer star. When you learn to force yourself to practice for an hour or run fifteen laps, you start building self-regulatory strength (self discipline).’ Todd Heatherton

110. ‘But every bad habit, no matter its complexity, is malleable. The most addicted alcoholics can become sober. The most dysfunctional companies can transform themselves. A high school dropout can become a successful manager.’ Charles Duhigg

111. ‘1) Avoid negative things that you cannot grow accustomed to, such as commuting, noise, stress etc 2) Material items only provide short-term happiness 3) Aim for as much free time and autonomy as possible, since long-lasting positive effects generally come from what you actively do. Follow your passions even if you must forfeit a portion of your income for them. Invest in friendships.’ Rolf Dobelli, on improving happiness (The Art of Thinking Clearly)

112. ‘So, find out where your circle of competence is. Get a clear grasp of it. Hint: it’s smaller than you think. If you face a consequential decision outside that circle, apply the hard, slow, rational thinking. For everything else, give your intuition free rein.’ Rolf Dobelli

113. ‘Kick the habit of reading news – completely. Instead, read long background articles and books. Yes, nothing beats books for understanding the world.’ Rolf Dobelli

114. ‘Nobody loves you more than you can love yourself. Because only you know yourself best.’ George Panait (Esplanade Director)

115. ‘Deal with expectations more cautiously. Raise expectations for yourself and for the people you love. This increases motivation. At the same time, lower expectations for things you cannot control – for example, the stock market.’ Rolf Dobelli

116. ‘My message to students is that if you want to become an entrepreneur and save the world, definitely don’t skip college. But go to a school that you can afford. You’ll be freed from the chains of debt and succeed on your own ambition and merit.’ Vivek Wadhwa

117. “There are moments when one has to choose between living one’s own life, fully, entirely, completely – or dragging out some false, shallow, degrading existence that the world in its hypocrisy demands. You have that moment now. Choose!” Oscar Wilde

118. ‘You are the average of the five people you associate with most, so do not underestimate the effects of your pessimistic, unambitious, or disorganized friends. If someone isn’t making you stronger, they’re making you weaker.’ Timothy Ferriss

119. ‘If clouds are blocking the sun, there will always be a silver lining that reminds me to keep on trying…most people lose the ability to see silver linings even though they are always there above us.’ Matthew Quick

120. ‘Locate your shortcomings and find suitable knowledge and methodologies to balance them. It takes about a year to internalize the most important ideas of a new field, and it’s worth it: your pocketknife will be bigger and more versatile, and your thoughts sharper.’ Rolf Dobelli

121. ‘In order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different.’ Coco Chanel

122. ‘Your preparation for the real world is not in the answers you’ve learned, but in the questions you’ve learned how to ask yourself.’ Bill Watterson

123. ‘We all have different desires and needs, but if we don’t discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled. Sooner or later, we are all asked to compromise ourselves and the things we care about.’ Bill Watterson

124. ‘Drawing comic strips for five years without pay drove home the point that the fun of cartooning wasn’t in the money; it was in the work. This turned out to be an important realization when my break finally came.’ Bill Watterson

125. ‘It was a rude shock to see just how empty and robotic life can be when you don’t care about what you’re doing, and the only reason you’re there is to pay the bills.’ Bill Watterson

126. ‘A playful mind is inquisitive, and learning is fun. If you indulge your natural curiosity and retain a sense of fun in new experience, I think you’ll find it functions as a sort of shock absorber for the bumpy road ahead.’ Bill Watterson

127. ‘Our idea of relaxing is all too often to plop down in front of the television set and let its pandering idiocy liquefy our brains. Shutting off the thought process is not rejuvenating; the mind is like a car battery-it recharges by running.’ Bill Watterson

128. ‘My fondest memories of college are times like these, where things were done out of some inexplicable inner imperative, rather than because the work was demanded. It’s surprising how hard we’ll work when the work is done just for ourselves.’ Bill Watterson

129. ‘Creating a life that reflects your values and satisfies your soul is a rare achievement. In a culture that relentlessly promotes avarice and excess as the good life, a person happy doing his own work is usually considered an eccentric, if not a subversive. Ambition is only understood if it’s to rise to the top of some imaginary ladder of success.’ Bill Watterson

130. ‘Someone who takes an undemanding job because it affords him the time to pursue other interests and activities is considered a flake. A person who abandons a career in order to stay home and raise children is considered not to be living up to his potential – As if a job title and salary are the sole measure of human worth.’ Bill Watterson

131. ‘You’ll be told in a hundred ways, some subtle and some not, to keep climbing and never be satisfied with where you are, who you are and what you’re doing. There are a million ways to sell yourself out, and I guarantee you’ll hear about them. To invent your own life’s meaning is not easy, but it’s still allowed, and I think you’ll be happier for the trouble.’ Bill Watterson

132. ‘Many of you will be going on to law school, business school, medical school, or other graduate work, and you can expect the kind of starting salary that, with luck, will allow you to pay off your own tuition debts within your own lifetime…But having an enviable career is one thing, and being a happy person is another.’ Bill Watterson

133. ‘We define ourselves by our actions. With each decision, we tell ourselves and the world who we are. Think about what you want out of this life, and recognize that there are many kinds of success.’ Bill Watterson

134. ‘I realise now I don’t need to be like anyone else. The truth to my value is not determined on how I look, how smart I am, or how many friends I have, I need to be the best me that I can be.’ Nick Vujicic

135. ‘It’s worth recognizing that there is no such thing as an overnight success. You will do well to cultivate the resources in yourself that bring you happiness outside of success or failure. The truth is, most of us discover where we are headed when we arrive.’ Bill Watterson

136. ‘You may be surprised to find how quickly daily routine and the demands of “just getting by:” absorb your waking hours. You may be surprised matters of habit rather than thought and inquiry. You may be surprised to find how quickly you start to see your life in terms of other people’s expectations rather than issues…’ Bill Watterson

137. ‘Whether it’s working for a promotion, studying to further your education, training for a marathon, or anything else that requires actual commitment, it’s sexy. Maybe it indicates responsibility. Maybe it makes you seem like you have higher standards…’ Jessica Dopkiss

138. ‘Ignore everyone else. Other people’s grass seeming greener is no new concept, but in today’s image crafting world, other people’s grass looks like a glorious meadow. The truth is that everyone else is just as indecisive, self-doubting, and frustrated as you are, and if you just do your thing, you’ll never have any reason to envy others.’

139. ‘Stop thinking that you’re special. The fact is, right now, you’re not special. You’re another completely inexperienced young person who doesn’t have all that much to offer yet. You can become special by working really hard for a long time.’

140. ‘Stay wildly ambitious. The current world is bubbling with opportunity for an ambitious person to find flowery, fulfilling success. The specific direction may be unclear, but it’ll work itself out—just dive in somewhere.’

141. ‘I will hazard a prediction. When you are 80 years old, and in a quiet moment of reflection narrating for only yourself the most personal version of your life story, the telling that will be most compact and meaningful will be the series of choices you have made. In the end, we are our choices. Build yourself a great story. Thank you and good luck!’ Jeff Bezos, during a speech to graduating students

142. ‘It’s the only way I know in football: work hard, believe in what you are doing, believe in each other, be critical inside to try and resolve things inside our group, stick together and try and get a result.’ Jose Mourinho

143. ‘Find your niche, find what you are good at, and focus on that. And be a good person along the way – if you try to take shortcuts it will just come back and haunt you.’ Thomas Flohr (founder of VistaJet)

144. ‘Stop looking at social media websites, and instead work out what contribution you can make to the world, and go and do it.’ Thomas Flohr (Founder of VistaJet)

145. “‘How will you use your gifts? What choices will you make? Will inertia be your guide, or will you follow your passions? Will you follow dogma, or will you be original? Will you choose a life of ease, or a life of service and adventure? Will you wilt under criticism, or will you follow your convictions? Will you bluff it out when you’re wrong, or will you apologize? Will you guard your heart against rejection, or will you act when you fall in love? Will you play it safe, or will you be a little bit swashbuckling? When it’s tough, will you give up, or will you be relentless? Will you be a cynic, or will you be a builder? Will you be clever at the expense of others, or will you be kind?’ Jeff Bezos

146. ‘Many of you will soon enter the outside world and be somewhat taken aback. It will be far less efficient, far less fair, far less productive, and far more political than what you may have imagined it to be. There will be pessimism and cynicism everywhere. It is easy to succumb to this, to become cynical or negative yourself. If you do, you with the potential that you have, it would be a loss for yourself and for humanity.’ Salman Khan, founder of the Khan Academy

147. ‘Smile with your mouth, your eyes, your ears, your face, your body at every living thing you see. Be a source of energy and optimism. Surround yourself with people that make you better. Realize or even rationalize that the grass is truly greener on your side of the fence. Just the belief that it is becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.’ Salman Khan

148. ‘Make people feel that you care about them. And here’s, a well, a little secret, the best way to do this is to actually care about them. Make people feel that you are listening to them. Another little secret, the best way to do this is to actually listen.’ Salman Khan

149. ‘When you feel stressed, look up at the night sky and ponder the distance to the next star and the age of the universe. Think of all the other stressed sentient creatures from other star systems and galaxies looking out in the vastness of space in wonder and awe and take comfort in your shared experience.’ Salman Khan

150. ‘Remember that real success is maximizing your internally derived happiness. It will not come from external status or money or praise. It will come from a feeling of contribution. A feeling that you are using your gifts in the best way possible.’ Salman Khan

Book & Quote Monster

To document my readings and to share quotes/insights from those readings. Enjoy :D

Tag Archives: wisdom

Psychology quotes 201 to 250

快乐只有自己能给 (Your Happiness, Your Call) by 何权峰

Life quotes 251 to 300

50 Lessons for Life’s Little Detours by Regina Brett

Life quotes 101 to 150

Motivational Quotes 101 – 150

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